Maybe all is not lost....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yfcteT_0ec

some also probably enjoy nurturing the next generation of academics (maybe)

Without PhD students and postdoctoral researchers an academic would have virtually no research output. Science PhD's are basically doing the research that the supervisor would like to do themselves, so with groups of about 20 people it would be impossible for them to do it alone. Also, without PhD's there would be no research grants, and with the drop in research output the Universities reputation would akin to a college and not a University. I think it may be somewhat different in the humanities?

400 pages for an undergraduate thesis? thats a hell of a lot. my phd thesis was under 300, with the average in my subject being between 200-250

I doubt they will read you thesis again in as much detail as they did the first time. I don't know why they kept them though because they gave me their copies along with the list of corrections at the viva. Even if they do add a few more corrections to the list (spot more typos etc) then thats even better for you

of course networking etc will help you immensely but I believe no amount of flowcharts, mathematical equations will help (just my opinion).

I think perhaps you are over analysing/complicating the problem. Yes you should plan ahead - I knew I enjoyed my subject and although a PhD would equip me with the tools to succeed, it wasn't the be all and end all for getting a job that I enjoyed. I chose a PhD with industrial experience because outside of the academic setting experience in a business goes a long way. Apart from that I think you shouldn't plan too much because the world is constantly changing - maybe your dream job will not be there or that market saturated by the time you apply.

If you don't know what's going on then the best thing to do it to ask them.

Depends on how efficient your university is - mine didn't even realise they had paid me double in the last month. That was a few years ago and I haven't heard a peep from them since.

I created the position by applying for my own funding, although it turned out that the PI has quite a bit of money tucked away so I could start the postdoc before finding out about my own award.

Yeah I think that is the best thing to do. I am from the UK too but am now postdocing abroad, so I was in a very similar situation to yourself. Do you know anyone that has connections with either of those two? That could also help your chances of success...

The best thing to do is to get in touch with them either by post or face-to-face. People often don't reply to emails as they take them less seriously. Before you do this I would first research possible areas of funding (from an arts/science council etc).

To be honest, if you developed it during your time under his supervision then I believe it is partly his work...

To stop procrastinating

What sort of committee are you talking about? Internal and external examiners?