I would like to thank everyone here for the support I have. This would be the final words before leaving life. I cannot endure anymore, academia was so awful and unfair, I cannot resist any more pressure being away from my home country destroyed me beside the event I had in the past. I wish every one will not had the experience I had and not let yourself go the point of no return, unfortunately, I willnot be existed anymore so that I can rest forever.

Thank you.

Yes, I am afraid that they would gossip or tell negative things about me actually my ex-supervisors collaborator is racist and xenophobic and he destroyed me by affecting on my supervisor to dismiss me assuming that my work isn't important. The idea is the project I am working on I am cooperating also with other people who already also have a common project with this ex-collaborator. I am afraid they would tell them my story, my current employer did not know that because he did not ask and as you may know I have been rejected many times because of this story and those people that's why I am afraid and in the same time I don't know to when I have to hide or just be audacious and go that my question.

I am highly interested in attending a conference focus on my field, however, I am afraid to attend as my ex-supervisor collaborator are going to be present as they working on the same point of research I am working on, moreover, when I was forced to leave I went to aloof country and then resigned from this lab whose director is also going to present a lecture, when I resigned I didn't tell them what my plans. Now the question: my current employer does not know anything about all these stories as they didn't ask and I am hesitated to go because I am afraid they could fabricate stories about me, I feel trapped because I want to attend and at the same time I am afraid to go because of my ex-supervisor collaborator who vowed me you cannot make any success in what you are doing. If you were in my position, should I forget attendance for a couple of time until they forget me or go and face them normally?

I would like to add to @Tudor_Queen, unfortunately, it is common to see toxic supervisor jealous from their students when they could achieve something. I had two previous ex-supervisors who were toxic and jealous and did their best to screw up my career. But again, you have to focus and keep a good spirit to finish and meet rational people. My advice: it is normal to meet people who are more intelligent, having more capabilities. I was a teaching assistant and my students sometimes intelligent more than me, I always encourage them and most importantly learn from them, support them even after graduation and in the same time improve from yourself, I think it is kind of candid competition, not a sick one.

Maybe I am trying to share my thoughts when I see how Elon Musk is an extraordinary success and changing the world literally, I feel pity about myself. At the age of 28, he started his first successful, and me I am still struggling on a topic that may or may not have a significant impact. He dropped from Standford after two days to fulfill his dream.

Actually, I am not like him, and I always have a question about how I can be successful and enjoy what I am doing. I don't know to whom I should go or discuss, I want to create my own ideas, but I feel restricted.

I just want to be successful, I need to make a courageous step and shift everything, but how? I am not good enough as smart people.

Sorry if my question is not well structured, but I am rediscovering myself again.

Well, it depends. If they are indeed professional they should contact you, however, if they informed you that after that time you will be notified and they didn't contact you, you have the right to contact them.

However, based on my experience, I don't recommend you to contact them let them take their time because if there is something they should inform you, so the best thing is to wait. If you think about it there is no reason to ask what the status of your application.

I have been interviewed with some positions and it wasn't professional, they didn't even reply to my email about the status of my application which means is not professional. To sum up, the best thing I recommend is waiting and don't send an email. Good Luck!

I am sorry if my post made you think I am saying that. disclaimer: I am not saying I am the perfect and genius one. As I mentioned before my sub-field is so much pretty small as I said dominated by specific researchers who publish, editors of some journals as well. In the other side, there are good researchers but doesnot have the clout as the researcher who publish their method and cite each other and want every junior to follow them blindly as if there is a paper criticize them this could endanger their funding and collaborations as well. What I am trying to say it is like a a collective groups collaborate, cite each other and you cannot find any criticism in their approach although it has ( one paper published that, but again those were individual researchers outside this network. I dont know how to explain my point of view very well, but I can say it like tyranny system dominated by few researchers who bring each others in conferences as speakers etc. Maybe I am not good enough to the academic level and that is something is going to be revealed in the coming months maybe the problem is in myself.

First of all, dont worry you are not the only person who get tired from academia, you can see how many stories. All I can say it fake and hypocrite system with some useless supervisors. My advice is: go forward dont let any thing stop you, the most important that you have to desire to finish and get out of this place and this is must the driving force to go forward and not losing the three years you have spent. Dont worry if your supervisor is jealous, just ignore him completely and dont show challenge or something, show that you are indifferent. Do your best to get funding through university, conference or asking them to be a volunteer, you can dig in to find an alternatives to support yourself.

I am astonished by the flood of fantasy paper in my field at least and see it day after day get recognition although it has no real application and some researchers play around the data.

What freaks me out is that some researchers who play around with data and make false propaganda about their work are keynote speakers at conferences.

I am not sure what is the caliber of the integrity, day after day, I recognize it is not the objectivity of the research, but having allies and that is problem in my filed at least, they cite each other, praise their counterparts work as well. In the end, that seems fake, there must be a real critique for the work as well.


Another point, every paper I saw or review they try to use hype words to give a value to their research although they don't have a real contribution and get accepted.

Another point is I see the research as a trend and we didn't ask ourselves whether there is a realistic behind the researches.

My question is: What I should do to prove myself in that situation, if I publish my method, I am expecting that I will be out of the loop. I feel I am kind of have to praise their work unless I will be nothing.

I am indeed frustrated because I feel the researcher who dominates my field are hypocrite and they want to praise their work so that they can get funding and more collaborations, is that the research meant to be?

I am supposed to attend a workshop closely related to my research and as title shows, should I attend or not?

I have been in the same exact situation verbatim like yours and wasted a year and now I am looking for a new lab! My old supervisor threatened me not to work under any lab, I was shocked even after I have resigned! I complained to HR and they did nothing and even the head of the school know and told me to look for another place in a different country.
Guess what, I found out that he had three new Ph.D. student to supervise at the same time, I was extremely furious and if I spoke they will considering it like hazing, my advice, if you and your old colleagues make a complaint, it would be better! However as long as administration support this professor and as you have mentioned you still in the same university, I don't recommend you to do that as you don't have enough power, you must make sure that there another professor or group to support you, do not fight alone in a corrupted system. I have been saved from a lab by another student like you, he was warning any prospective student to join the lab and it was a great favor to be saved from those toxic supervisors.

I am sorry for what you have been through! I was in the exact same situation for two months. I always receive negative feedback and if I do something good and having great, they don't even say a good word, which was obvious that they are toxic supervisor and ended up leaving that the lab, and I think it is a good decision to find another good and supportive supervisor as no one can endure all the time the negativity. Unfortunately, some supervisor lacks the faculty of pedagogy, being harsh can demoralize and demotivate you. Of course, we need a feedback and I can assure that you have many improvements, however, in the other side, you must get some positive words, encouragement to keep your mind and health sane.

I cannot advise you as I am not fully aware how percentage they are really bad, I can be harsh with you with intention to improve you, you must distinguish that whether they are really want to improve from you or they are really toxic people, you have to answer that question as continuing more years means that you need recommendation, references and building your career, do you see that they can support you really even though they are harsh.

Hope you can estimate the matters in more objective way so that you can have a right decision.

Wishing for you the peace of mind and good luck!

I wish there a service for helping students, it seems that m83 isnot at his/her homecountry and he/she seems suffers and need an actual support rather than just commenting! Please m83 update us about your situation, we would really like help you and any student at foreign who need a spiritual support.

Dear m83, really I understand how he/she suffers as I am in the same situation! Sometimes these platform is the only way to relieve from ourselves! I will keep hoping you all the best and luck, but please don't ever think of committing suicide! Nothing too late, please keep hope! Continue your masters and I am sure the life is going to be rosy again.

My sincere to you and consider any time to release from your chest, and will you find us helpful! Don't give up, you will be triumphant by the end!

Actually, this junior PI doesn't have much publication and not so much citation, but his research while being a postdoc is interesting. I don't know whether this could be a good or negative point, as you know your PI is very crucial for your career.