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The deadlines I'm trying to keep to are way too optimistic, but I agreed on them with my supervisors and postgraduate tutors as necessary in order to keep going on this PhD.

If I want this PhD I'm going to have to destroy myself, and something keeps telling me it's just not worth it.

I'm new to these forums but I'm all too aware that this is not the first post of this nature. However there's only so much comfort and advice that can be taken from reading about other people's problems.

My situation is that I am almost 2 years through my PhD with just over 1 year to go, and currently I'm just getting more and more scared, weighed down with workload, and frankly just exhausted. I am a psychologist researching infant memory development, but I don't know if this is the path I should have chosen.

My annual progress meeting with the departmental postgraduate tutors 2 months ago went really badly... to say the least. I have been working sensible 9-5 hours and putting in all the work I felt was necessary, but just not reaching the targets needed. In my first year my main supervisor was away on sabbatical for half the year, so useful testing didn't start until about 6 months in. My introduction chapters are totalling about 60 pages, but because they're not finished and finalised this appears to be a big deal. My first major project (proposed by my supervisor and designed by an ex colleague) has been a long one (as is regularly the case with infancy research) and took a full year to collect and analyse the data. The results from that study are less than exciting giving null results everywhere we expected significance, and significant results is almost unexplainable places. The project has worn me down and my interest in it was lost very early on.

I don't get on particularly well with my supervisors and I don't think they like me either. They seem to think I find excuses for not reaching targets and have no enthusiasm for the topic. While the latter may well have turned out to be true over time the former was mainly due to excessive time demands in a very busy lab with no research assistants. The weekly duties in this lab probably take me about 3 working days in total before I can find time to do any reading/writing/analysis etc.

I could go on explaining the mundane details of my heavy workloads and lack of payout, but all I really need say is that I'm now having to work heavily loaded 10 hour days in order to try and catch up. 2 months of this has seemed like an uphill struggle and I've got at least another 15 months minimum to go, with no sign that the workload will ever become any lighter. I'm reaching a stage now where I'm physically and mentally drained before a working day has even begun, I'm lying in bed at night worrying and trying to work out how to sort out my problems, I have little to no motivation left for my topic area, and being dyslexic reading and writing is already a chore so trying to read papers with no interest in the subject is incredibly challenging. My attention span is gone, and I'm seriously considering walking away from this PhD. I don't have time for a break or a holiday, even though I've booked some later in the summer (I don't think my supervisors approve). The deadlines I'm trying to keep to are way too