Hi all,
Thanks for the replies. I really am trying to be pragmatic here -- I've heard lots of people talking about how hard the tenure-track lifestyle is for the first several years, and I'm reacting against the idea that I'll be locked-up in my office trying to publish tons of papers and teaching (creating new courses, which always takes a ton of time), etc. This path sounds like tons of work (but rewarding stuff). I'm skeptical that it's the best idea for me now though, but also surprised at my own shift of attitude, hence me asking for advice. I'm just imagining the professor-world as a bit isolating. Also, if I ended up in a smallish university town I'm worried about the size of the dating pool, whereas an industry job would more likely be in a bigger city with more people to meet. I guess if I got a position at a school in a bigger city it might alleviate the problem; I prefer smaller college towns, but not if it's going to be too limiting in terms of dating/getting married!

I know I'm rambling a bit -- hope I made a little bit of sense in there. I do want to just be myself and stick with my own ambitions, etc., but so far, I feel like this has been preventing me from finding the right one, and romance is gradually becoming a higher and higher priority. Sure, I think the my ambitions/dreams/success so far, etc. have made me attractive to potential mates, but I'm also interested in awesome, above-average, intelligent women, and in the university towns I've lived in, these people seem to be married before I have the chance to meet them.

Well, I can't decide if this is a crazy factor to consider or not... I just want to up my chances -- and there are plenty of other positives about an industry job too. It's just not my original dream -- tenure, professor, family, etc -- so I have trouble deciding what's right!

And no, I'm not trolling through forums looking for dates :) I just had this honest career-question come up, because I hear so many warnings about the difficulty of the tenure-process! Is it really reasonable to jump into that alone when I want to make love a priority?

I hoped to be married by now, to finish my phd and start a family and an academic career.

But the two soulmate types I met in grad school met other guys first and got married to them instead. I want to make a difference in my field -- I'm good, well connected, I think i could get a great tenure track job. However, I just realized I don't want that on my own. I know it's hard work starting out and I don't think the dating scene would be good.

So I am thinking of finishing this Ph.D. and then going for an industry job where I'll have more free time, lots more money, and some hope for dating and meeting someone. I'm a romantic and love is so important to me, and I am sad imagining my life as a single professor. Am I crazy to put academia on hold like this? I would have finished already if I had met "her" but I hate the idea of giving up on my dream and leaving the student life without meeting someone.

I have books to write and really great research ideas, but it's not bringing me love -- well, not quite, because of the bad timing. Can anyone offer advice? I'm 33 and I want to solve the love problem so I can have the great career I want. But I don't want a career that will be detriment to getting married. I read that 86% of faculty are married. And I don't want to date students when I'm a prof. I want to date peers, intelligent mature women. I wish I could start grad school over and meet either of my two near-misses a month earlier, it just feels now failure, and great science won't make up for missing out on love.