Signup date: 20 Nov 2016 at 10:41pm
Last login: 20 Nov 2016 at 10:42pm
Post count: 1
Hi, this is my first post and it may be a long one, so please bear with me...(apologies in advance).
I applied for a PhD in December 2014, had my interview and did not get in, but was advised in the rejection email to ask the supervisor about any other potential funding. Being an "obey the rules" kind of person, I did and a few months later my now supervisor emailed to say I had potential funding. Long story short, after a year of waiting, whilst finishing my Masters, moving back home, being dumped and not applying for other things due to waiting, I found out there was funding and started my PhD in April 2016. I moved back in with an old friend to the other side of the country and started my PhD all within 5 days. (Bad move now that I reflect on it).
Firstly, I started on my own and, having already been highly anxious about starting, quickly developed extreme anxiety leading to mild depression and some time off in July. The feeling of not being able to do it; everything being new; not knowing anyone; no one being in my position; feeling stupid for having started and generally not feeling good enough all completely overwhelmed me extremely quickly.
Somehow, partly due to lovely people in the department and partly because of new people starting in October, I have felt a bit better about my project/life in general and taken some pressure off myself.
I am now at the 6 month report stage, but keep having the same moments of "I cannot do this/I don't want to do this/I was right to think I should quit" and can't seem to make myself care enough to actually worry about the report.
I'm proud of myself for even making it to 6 months, but having an equal worry about how my CV will look if I stay in this too long when it isn't actually what I want to do.
Sorry for the ramble, but any advice would be great!
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