Hey KB,

thanks for your kind words: they mean a great deal coming from your good self.  I found the *real* skill not so much going through the three steps, but actually remembering to use it!...Actually, I think I might get it framed and put it on my desk like senior executives with photos of their children. :)

Glad to be of any help I can

PG

Dear All,
I don’t know how useful you will find this, but I’ve found it invaluable in coping with the headaches of the PhD. From a continual feeling of not knowing what I’m doing, to lousy supervisions, days when everything has gone wrong, to a lack of motivation and tackling procrastination, a lack of money and the exhaustion of writing-up. Below is Raj Persaud’s ‘coping mantra’ which he suggests you use when sudden crises occur. (It can be adapted to cope with more general, longer-term problems and general negative feelings. But I want to stress here that I don’t see this as some ‘think happy thoughts’ response to serious mental illness, which was discussed on the forum recently with a humbling honesty. I have a part-time job working with people who have mental illnesses and while I have suffered with anxiety while doing the PhD, for me, the two do not compare. I hope you see the distinction I’m trying to make. (Raj Persaud 2001: ‘Staying Sane’, London, Bantam, p.475. Please, no cruel jokes about where *he* got it from. Although, he might be using it right now.)) Anyway,

“Step 1: ‘Because of this awful thing which has happened to me I am bound to feel terrible, indeed I should absolutely expect to feel bad, and it would be even more surprising if I did not. So the pain I feel now, given my circumstances, is completely understandable. However, let me just ask myself exactly how bad I should feel about this? I should not try to deny or repress my feelings, but I should also not exaggerate them by getting how awful this is out of proportion.’
Step Two: ‘Even if this is the worst possible thing that could happen to me, the best way of dealing with it is to see what constructive thing I can do right now to improve this situation as much as possible.’
Step Three: ‘If there really is nothing productive I can do right now, there is absolutely no point in worsening my morale by dwelling on a problem I can do nothing about. After I have checked I really can do nothing more immediately, I will occupy myself by doing something distracting which will improve my mood and hence my morale, for if I am feeling a little better I will be in a stronger position to help myself. In this crisis I need all the help I can get, so I shall try to help myself and not make things works for myself.’”


Humbly (because the advice you offer is often excellent),
Playground

Hi Guys,

thanks for the replies - really appreciated.  Betty, Ginga, with responses like that, why the one star?

So, looking around the forum as well (i.e., at the really popular posts), it strikes me that what we really value in the process of getting a PhD is a special kind of support, which comes from both our supervisors and our peers: support that has both carrots and sticks; a bit of tough love - someone to crack the whip (although to some, whip-cracking is not mutually exclusive to a loving relationship). Am I right? Is that what's *really* getting us through this?

But it also strikes me that we also value is what the PhD represents to us.  I can't deny that it doesn't represent those egotistical things to me like 'being an expert' and 'Dr Playground' does have a certain ring to it :) But it also represents to me being part of the sheer naked thrill that is learning and engaging in truly fascinating stuff. What does it mean for you? Is it an utter headache on some days and the reason for being alive on others?

So is what we *really* value throughout the experience of the PhD are the two Ss: Support and Significance to help us with the 'inner' and 'outer' games of research? 

Best and again, THANK YOU

Playground    

Ouch Ruby! I asked you to be gentle as it was my first time and you were rougher than a gorilla wearing sandpaper. :) Nevertheless, thanks for the advice about the convoluted nature of the post. Something to consider. I thought, though, that all those pop psych 'water cooler' quizes were a series of questions. And the question I asked came from one of those.

However, the intention behind the question, and what me an my friend were talking about, was to find out what PhDs *really* find useful, important and of value to them throughout their research. This is as opposed to what the powers that be from on high think is important for us. To give two personal examples, if I may. One of the things that I have found *invaluable* is having a sense of 'knowing what I'm doing', as opposed to 'HAVING A PLAN', that every book, course, etc, on how to get a PhD tells us we should have. If you 'HAVE A PLAN', but don't have an internal sense of knowing what you're doing - and there is a difference - then to me, the plan's hollow.

The second thing that I have found invaluable throughout my PhD is the ability to cope. All coping boils down to a three-step process that actually, you can get good at. But do the books on how to get a PhD tell us that?! They and training courses talk of effectiveness and efficiency, but I think that one sign of these traits is our ability to cope when things go wrong. And if people think that I'm some fluffy la-la who doesn't put his money where his mouth is, I told Estelle Phillips this when she asked me how I found 'How to Get a PhD' (expecting me to say that it's the best thing since sliced bread) at my GRADSchool. 'How to Get a PhD' tells you that you will experience problems, but it doesn't give you any 'in an emergency, break glass' tips.

And this is where I'm grateful for your response Ginga, as I too have been in your situation with having a non-existent supervisor and I found it pretty soul-destroying. But I came out the other side.

So Ruby, if you and enough people - I know you're out there - tell me what you *actually* find and found important throughout your PhD, then I might, well, probably, tell you what the bet is. (And I'm very happy to tell people that coping strategy as I think it should be on the second page of every book on how to get a PhD.)

Best, take care, and

THANK YOU

Playground

ps: as we all know, it can be difficult to gauge the tone of an email. While I might have appeared angry in my reply, I wrote it with a huge smile on my face, loving Ruby's response and seeing it as part of the academic cut-and-thrust. Touche!

Hello Everybody!
I’m coming towards the end of my PhD and I can’t believe I’ve only just discovered you! Where have you been all my life?! I’m a forum virgin, so please be gentle. As the tailor said to the cool guy: “Nice threads!”

I just can’t get over the fact that you’re extremely generous and thoughtful in your advice and love helping a fellow traveller. I’ve also noticed that being an effective and efficient procrastinator, I mean, researcher (or is that just me! Freudian slip :) ), you love a five minute distraction, particularly one of those pop psychology quizzes that reveals so much about your personality.

I was talking to a friend the other day about what is really – no, *really* – important for PhD students. (You know: what they *actually* find invaluable throughout the process.) And he said, once people uncover what’s really important to them during the PhD experience, i.e., once they uncover what they value in doing it, these act like motivational buttons.

He said that one way to uncover what you value about the PhD experience is to ask yourself:

‘Stopping, and thinking for a moment about all the various aspects of doing your PhD – such as, the emotional, the financial, the training, the interaction with others – what’s really, no really, important to you about the experience of doing a PhD?’
Then ask:
‘What’s important to you about that?’
And then ask:
‘What’s important to you about that?’


He suggested asking the question ‘What’s important to you about that?’ three or four times until you drill down to the gold, to what’s really invaluable to you within the experience of doing a PhD. You know you’re on the right track because you have a sense of your answers ringing true, to the point where you astonish yourself by inexplicably realising: ‘OMG, *that’s* what’s important to me.’

Now, this might all be hogwash, but we all like a little experiment and I know from doing this quiz, and talking to others about what they actually found important in the PhD process, the results are simply quite inspiring and really motivating.

So I’d, and I’m sure others, would love to hear your answers, your ‘OMG, *that’s* what’s really important to me about the experience of doing a PhD’. So please, do tell.


... and it might help me win that bet I had with my friend.

Best, and a big THANK YOU

Playground