======= Date Modified 25 22 2010 06:22:44 =======
I'm just approaching 3 years on my PhD (in New Zealand, where we are expected to finish in 3 - 4 years total). I'm going to be running overtime on my 3 years, but expect to be able to finish in the next 6 - 8 months.

About 4 months ago I met a fellow PhD student in another department. We hit it off straight away and started dating - we'd known each other a week when my father suddenly passed away. This new boyfriend stood by me and supported me through an incredibly hard time, over the next couple of months we fell in love. Everything is right with him - we get along so well I consider him a best friend as well as a boyfriend, we have tonnes in common (so lots of excuses to spend time together), lots of chemistry, physical attraction, mutual respect and admiration. Basically it's been a great relationship so far.

He's also finishing his PhD in about the same time frame. Prior to meeting him I was incredibly stressed about finishing. Then after my dad died I chose to mellow about it - I'll finish the PhD but it's more important to me right now to find balance in my life, with friendships, family, interests etc. Life's short - as I learnt this year - and I think it's important to find time for those things.
He, on the other hand, is feeling pressured for time. He's got a lot of work to do, and he's in the middle of a really exciting time in his research (the last two years of work is about to come together for him). He's decided he can't be in a relationship while he finishes his thesis, so we have broken up.

I do understand where he's coming from, and I'm also at a stage where I'm looking forward to putting in some longer hours of research and get some big results I've been waiting a long time for. We want to stay friends, and keep sharing all of the common interests we have. We can also support each other through the finishing process, since we'll be doing it at the same time.

I do believe he loves me, and that he wants to be with me, but I also see how stressed he is and the 12 + hour days he puts in when he doesn't feel obligated to spend time with me. So I am sympathetic to his feelings, I respect the effort he has put in to trying to be with me and the kind way he went about telling me he couldn't deal with both.

What I'm trying to work out is whether there can be such thing as bad timing. You'd have to admit between my father dying and us both finishing PhDs, the timing is bad! Has anyone had experience of putting something on hold in order to get through a stressful time? I can't see what we will stop spending time together, but I don't know if it's possible for us to try to be friends for the next 6 months then perhaps see if a relationship will work.

Sorry for the long post, I always ramble on... :)