I have been miserable since two years; and i find myself being unhappy, angry, weak, reluctant, and so on..... only question that i have is; if there is no purpose of individual being alive then why they have to live in the first place? why there are so much of higher academic degrees, if there is no purpose after completing degree? if any person got nothing to do in life then why they are born? sometime i think its my parents mistakes, or gods will or may be due to sin or something else? my family are all in good shape; and me wrapped in a dark purple with horrible wall painted room; trying to defend myself for all this that i have now; pretend to be working voraciously in a newly bought lenevo flex 2 laptop; mobile and other gadgets; as of just waiting for regret messages or emails or thinking out loud inside for not receiving any acknowledgement from job i applied so far. yeah i feel afraid what if i don't get a job anymore? questioning myself whether i still belong here or not and i am a complete loser; broke; heartless; polluter; invader; greedy and jealous on others achievements without realizing how much sorry that your parents and family need to hear from you? i am lost; for what reasons that i am not being hired or not being make money and support family and all? i seek answers for all those dilemma's of mine. I seriously need a proper professional jobs like all of you.

My dark days started since Jan 2013 at Nepal. Full of enthusiasm pulled me to be back home and I did. Unfortunately or sadly, all my plan after completion of PhD degree started to fail and fragile. i applied for possible jobs relevant to my area of expertise as others do, but i only received regret messages for not being hired me. i keep on moving, trying to keep myself occupied in what ever way as possible. I started cursing loved ones and god for this status of mine, as of i could not think of any other reasons for my current state of mind. my brother and sister with family are performing so great every day with full of passion, love and income, which is the best part for all of us and specially to our super parents. I am finding hard to keep moving ahead, coz all my plans, expectations, passion, love, income is fading way and am losing my fate. i need to make loved ones be proud of me again and keep happy, but each day of my life is ruining everyone's around and not being able to support financially to our parents which i am suppose to be responsible. yes i can't hold long enough anymore with earning, its been 3 months i am being fired and still jobless. my sister got the job as she deserved, but myself being lost and a loser. I am sorry for hurting by any means to loved ones and well wishers.
only i can think about now is without job or work for earning, i don't exist at all and i am polluting the family bonding with my bad lucks and no contribution to the human kind. Seriously, please guide me to be rich in all sense; in fact i am losing my fate on me and i prefer to remain quiet; which is I guess the sign of abnormality.