Signup date: 02 May 2017 at 9:45pm
Last login: 08 Dec 2017 at 5:56am
Post count: 8
We are five PhDs (Let me name them X, Y, Z, A and B) under my adviser. We share common labs and common grad office room. We like to share with each other our frustrations regarding PhDs, express the dissatisfaction about our adviser, future after PhD and other pep talks. As we are five of us in team, it is very normal not to like everything that other person does. So currently I have found myself in a very weird situation in which colleagues pair up and bad mouth the one who is not there. It’s not always the same group of people though, for e.g. sometime its X, Y, Z who talk bad about B, sometime its all four talking bad about A, sometime it A and B talking against rest all. So I kinda feel, basically, its everyone who talks bad about other, at different point of time. Personally I do not want to be a part of it but I am not being able to stay away from it. When the amount of frustration and tension is very high, then you automatically tend to speak out things that was not needed to be mentioned. There has been times when bad things told about me have reached to me through loops of ears. This gives me unnecessary mental stress. I am wondering how I can avoid this kind of politics going on. I am totally not interested in other’s life. I want to concentrate in my PhD and concentrate only in my stuff. I am trying to find how can I handle the situation. Any suggestion would be appreciated. Thank you.
@pm133, @Tudor_Queen, @Kahn, Thank you all for the opinions. Now, at Ieast I know I have to work on myself, I personally also feel I do not want to be hating anyone. May be I kinda felt intimidated by him, or may be its just a jealousy. But it seems to occur to me only when I am around him otherwise I absolutely do not even care. I have my own stuff to think about when I am not in vicinity of him but I find it difficult to withstand him around me.
I have a colleague who is doing PhD under the same adviser as me. Its usually me and that guy who are in lab doing our research work. So we get quite a lot of time to chat. I was never fond of that guy but I was still okay to have him around and its been a year already. That friend of mine is very hard working, talented, is a good person and also helpful. On the other hand, he sometimes seem to be very proud and from his talks I can feel like he is trying to say.."no one is as hardworking and as smart as him. He is always right in what he does .... blaa blaa...self centered kinda attitude." Also one of his other habit is, Its always work work and work, he is always with PhD work. He wants to do nothing beyond research. Every new person we meet, say in the conference or in the department he is always thinking about how he can be benefited from that person in his research. He is not a friend whom you can hang out with beyond the school compound. Everything beyond research is waste of time for him. I feel so surprised how he is always working, working and working without any break, no weekends no any other breaks. Good for him though. And I am not the one who can work like him. I can clearly see we have very less common interest. I believe, even though there is no specific reason to hate him but being friends with him over a year and coming across many situation in which his behavior and attitude in those times, might have developed into a hatred feeling towards him.
Recently I have just started hating that guy so much, no any particular reason and no any personal reason I just do not like that guy at all. May be its because of the way he is and may be he is not the type of person that I get along with, I find it stressful and torturous to be around him. Even thinking about him makes me filled with anger. May be its just a situation when you do not like any person without any particular reason. Having a common adviser and having a common work station makes me kinda difficult to stay away from him. I just do not even want to look at his face. I just know I hate him so much so I am trying to avoid staying in his surrounding as much I can. Still when we are around, I can talk with him normally if I have to. So I am now wondering, should I just work on myself and try to be neutral towards him as there is no specific reason for me to hate him. On the other hand, I also feel just, stay away from him and focus on my stuff as I have no any special need to be friend with him.
I am just mentally tortured having that friend around. Please let me know if anyone of you have in similar situation. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
For couple of days I have been going through all the motivation related posts for PhD student. I am a PhD student in my 3rd year. My adviser always told me I lack creativity and should always analyse the problem in multi-dimensional way. Every year he told me he wants to see me progressing and be a competent PhD student. He is a nice guy, always supportive and encouraging. I have always struggled in learning how to be creative.Its been busy time all 3 yrs and its sad that my adviser still has the same comment for me that I am not creative and curious enough, thinking the PhD research work from different angle.
So far I have not taken major long break expect one of a week long break around at the end of 2nd year. I am not a typical hard working student who is all into the research and spent all hours in lab. I am in my office 9 to 5 mostly. Usually weekends I work less and try to keep some time for other stuff. Not taking breaks does not mean I am working always. Recently I took a break of a week long hoping to return energized to work. But this time I came back all lazy to be back in the lab. So depressed and tired of my professor's expectation of me coming up with unique ideas for the research. During a week long break I took a trip, visited beautiful places , spent time with families and just enjoyed every single day. Now when I am back I feel miserable not having that fun moments again. I feel so lazy, unmotivated to work and exactly on "doing nothing" mood.
Not living up to the expectation of my adviser makes me feel "I may not be the hardworking talented candidate that he always wanted and that he always encouraged me to be." I know my adviser always commented on my poor side for encouraging me to work hard but I feel so unmotivated every time he comments of my weaknesses. Currently still in the hangover mood of the fun vacation and knowing that I can never meet my adviser's expectation, I feel totally passive to get back to lab work.
My recent vacation and my adviser's high expectations from me and all the huge pending PhD research works making me so unmotivated to get back to work. It is making me think may be I should not be spending time in lab stressed with reports, publication, results but rather should be doing something else that i would enjoy in my life... I am questioning myself am I not ready for the PhD. On the other hand I feel all this will go away and I will get back to working mood. I already spend like 10 days waiting for me actually have a feeling wanting to work in lab seriously and still am waiting....Any comments suggestion would be appreciated , Thank you.
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