Haha, I'm so glad I wasn't the only one badgered to take an IQ test by a man I then beat! My ex boyfriend wouldn't stop badgering me, presumably because he was so sure I'd never top his score. Awkward when, like all of you, I did.
I suppose what's even funnier is how desperate we are to "make it all better" for them. Reminds me of a time when husband and I were out hill walking, at the start he felt a bit off, so I deliberately slowed my pace and pretended I wanted to trundle along gently, so as not to bruise his ego. Later on, my knee was playing up and he was feeling better - he raced ahead as fast as he bloody well could!

Sounds like a long night Batfink, great that you feel confident in the work though! Good luck with the rest, here's some pixelated turkey protein to keep you going... (turkey)

I just realised (thank God for a random John Lewis email or I never would have!) that Monday is a bank holiday....ergo, I cannot print and post my thesis that day.
*insert many expletives*
So my deadline is now Saturday morning. It would be funny if it weren't true.

Well, it's the final furlong here, have to submit by the end of the month! Keep finding myself torn between wanting to fix everything that's wrong... and wanting to submit the bloody thing without even spell checking! The paralysis is so bad, I've been in the library/grad centre all day, but am only now even making a goal.

Goal 1 - finish this demon section that has been plaguing me.

KB, I'm really sorry to hear about your counsellor, I know what a great support she's been for you. And it's definitely not pathetic to have feelings about it, after 7 years of being that close to a person, it's so natural.

I know I've gone through phases where I'm more emotional (crying at adverts and such), but if you can't control it then it probably is more significant. If there have been no hormonal changes recently (such as a different brand of pill) then I suspect it is indeed the curse of the write-up.

Maybe take a little time to explore how you're feeling about these different stressors? I don't want to pop-psych you, but a thought occurred to me. Do you think you might be trying to "be strong" about all this stuff, because you know your counsellor won't be there to discuss it in future?

As for your sup, don't worry, if she can't handle emotion that really reflects on her not you. Practically every phd student I know has cried in front of their sup at some point! One of my most capable friends even burst into tears five minutes into her viva. :$

Sympathies batfink, I returned to my laptop at 9pm and promptly wondered why...
I was doing so well earlier, but then began to feel rather ill (this thesis is quite literally, bad for my health). Still, have chapters one and two mostly slain, just reference gaps and a few defined issues to sort. So I think I'll give in to the siren call of sleep and re-start tmw.

Hi all

Not a lot to say except, yep, I too am floating around in this rusty boat. Managed to be ahead of schedule most of the way through, then had a bit of a breakdown (not all phd-related) in year 3 and been struggling to get the albatross off my neck ever since. My registration runs out in a couple of months so it's do-or-die (academically speaking). I've realised that one of the reasons I don't want to do it is because I can't bear the thought of the viva and having it judged. The idea of having someone deem it inadequate after so much toil is unthinkable. Still, I just have to find the time and face the demons, I guess (eep!).

Emmaki that's a cracker! How vivid can your subject be?!

I can't remember any recent dreams (possibly due to lack of sleep) but I did have some absurd ones during undergrad; at one point I was working all hours, either in the library for my degree, or in a restaurant where I waitressed. One night I dreamt that I was in the restaurant, but instead of the usual menu I was serving people DNA, I was asking "would you like that ligated, or with ribosomes?". It all made prefect sense at the time.

Ahem.
(sings badly) All by myse-e-elf..... (then duck a beer can and wisely stops).
Anyway, bad karaoke aside....I did it! I sent that chapter to my sup yday :-) whoop!
Now trying to work on a nemesis paragraph in reviewing chapter 1 (HATE this bit!) So my goal is to get through this section, then hopefully feel smug enough to go to bed. Last night I went at 4am and lay there so wired I started debating the merits of a nightly run - bearing in mind I haven't run in weeks and am clearly not fit at 4pm, nevermind am.

KB, if you're feeling that unsteady, perhaps you need a break? The emotional variation you mentioned just reminds me so much of when I started to get overwhelmed last year. It wasn't just the phd in my case (although pretty much all my phd friends seem to have become depressed during their write-up year) but I did really go downhill. I think we all get periods of sensitivity due to hormones and so on, but I know that that uncontrolled emotional rollercoaster for me means I'm under too much strain (it's like getting mouth ulcers when I don't sleep enough, my body sends me an unpleasant telegram to take a night off).
That said, I do feel that academia, and doing a phd especially, can just be damn hard on you as a person. I've just seen so many friends go through the mill emotionally and physically with this, sometimes the whole thing starts to look like some cruel psychological torture chamber! It's like a recipe for breaking a student down:

isolation + external pressure + limited finances + low status + lack of control = PhD student.

Whoop! Go Batfink, your progress puts me to shame.

After visiting sups back home I was really cracking on, but now I've slowed down again. I think the problem is that I've gotten back into it enough that I'm starting to see the gaps (or as they are in my mind, BIG, SCARY, YOU WILL FAIL YOUR VIVA, GAPS). I know this is not the time to start re-writing my theories, and I suspect I'm getting crazy because I'm about to send the full draft of my general discussion chapter to sup1 and it's all feeling a bit real. So I'm sitting here amid 50 new references and making tea as I stare vacantly into space. *sigh* atta girl, Teek.

Ramble aside.... Goal 1 is to rewrite the section I now need to in chapter 4, then summarise it in the discussion.

.....back again :$

Goal 1: stop being the world's most dreadful excuse for a phd student.
(not sure how I achieve that but actually writing something might qualify)

Goal 2: break through the paralysing fear and dear God girl, WRITE SOMETHING.

Ps - If anyone needs to vent anger at a supervisor/colleague, please feel free to come South and release your frustrations by slapping some sense into me. Really, I'd be grateful.

I did it!!

Only revised a few pages but they are massively improved and I actually almost liked doing it :-x
Thnk God for this forum. Now I just have to figure out a way to keep this motivation going for the next few months.....

OK guys, I'm here to invoke the power of the almighty One Goal thread - may its blessings be upon me in my hour of need :-(

*skip this, it's just me whining and snivelling, afraid I have nowhere else to take my pity party*
Everyone I know has finished and now it's just me, once so far ahead, now back of the pack, bit of a loser. Every time I see another damn viva/submission/PhD status update on f***book my heart sinks a little lower. Churlish as hell, but there we are. I'm really trying to be positive and motivated, but I just see the thesis as a never-ending task that makes me lose my health. I don't want to do it, I just want to focus on the masters I've started (and love!), and maybe, you know, have a life and stuff! I feel such a failure next to all the friends I know who churned the damn thing out in two months flat. But without plans for a career in that field/academia, it all feels rather pointless. I know I can make the time really, and I know the thesis-phobia can be overcome - I just hate the damn thing so much, and care so little. If I could send it off now, half-arsed and unformatted, I would.
*end pity party*

Ok, having allowed myself that bit of utterly feeble drivel, I shall now make the goals!

Goal one: Revise chapter 1: Do a tomato and see how many edits I can clock up.

Good luck Wally!

Hi Jenny

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for years, and if there's one thing that's likely to trigger those problems, I'm afraid it's a PhD. That's not to say you can't overcome this, just that what you're feeling really isn't abnormal. See what your doctor can suggest, and do check out uni counselling services, their waiting lists tend to be a fraction of NHS ones. For me, therapy has helped, medication, good sleep and exercise help. But perhaps most of all, understanding anxiety better and learning to meditate have helped. Everyone is different, but it's worth exploring things and seeing what helps you. Most of all, don't be hard on yourself, really. It's like fighting fire with fire - you never win, you just get a bigger pile of charred mess. Be gentle and accept how you feel, it's amazing howw much will pass if you just let it :-)

I know feelings of isolation were a big issue for me, do you have many friends or colleagues at the uni who you can really connect and let off steam with? I know the PhD is still essentially solitary, but any contact helps. For me, it'sbeen amazing how much better I feel on my current course, where I have classmates and a closer social group. I really hope you feel better soon, I know how miserable this is and I feel for you.