You do have a point about the "appropriate" thing, I need to stop with the line of thinking.

As I understand it, I won't get paid during the leave of absence (though I could be wrong), I was asking if I should apply for jobs before getting the leave or wait till I get the leave.

Sorry if it's confusing! I feel in my head that I will probably end up quitting eventually, but I don't want to entirely close myself off, though I think that's more from a sense of duty than actually wanting the PhD.

Hi, I've posted before abut my severe depression and anxiety (which is getting worse) and that I was thinking of quitting. I've been thinking of taking a leave of absence instead, to give me time to get better and really think if I want the PhD, and I have a few questions:

1. Is it appropriate when only been doing the PhD for 5 weeks and had a 2 week holiday? The holiday I booked for myself because I was ill and was too ashamed to go off-sick, I actually briefly calmed down over the two weeks, but it spiked back up when I returned. I feel awful because I've only put 3 weeks into the PhD, but I'm also constantly battling with my mental health.
2. Should I apply for jobs before or after applying for a leave of absence? (Only asking because they can refuse your request).

Thank you for any advice!

Hi,

I just started my PhD (last week in fact), and today I went on antidepressants. For a bit of background: My masters was fun, but I used it to cover my mental health issues, a family member committed suicide, and I felt a PhD was the best thing to do after my masters (whether it actually is or not I'm really beginning to question) as I had previously had unemployment issues and I thought a PhD was a good way to continue learning. I got diagnosed with anxiety in the summer, and I have a long history of mental health issues.

I've rationalized with my supervisor that I need time off because I had no break between MSc and PhD, and that it's stressing me out, but I don't know him well enough to approach the subject of depression. I'm having two weeks off starting end of next week, but I really needed more time off as I'm quite mentally ill. I'm scared he will have a bad opinion of me: that I'm workshy or lazy, or crazy. I can't even bear the thought of going into university right now, I had to leave early today because I couldn't stop crying.

It's made me question ever starting this PhD, I don't think I'm mentally equipped to do one, and I think my motivations weren't good enough and my passions are else-where. There's a big part of me that wants to take a year interrupt and just work to see. But I also feel my depression is making me consider silly decisions. I feel awful, this is meant to be a really special opportunity, I'm really well funded and a friend of mine is desperate to be in my position, but I'm flagging already. I've even been looking into low-pressure jobs in case I decide to quit.

I know this is a complex situation, but any advice?

Hi,

I started my PhD last Tuesday, after finishing my Masters last Monday (yeah, zero gap!) and I have been STRUGGLING to cope, to the point I'm already seeking counselling and considering my option if I quit.

Does anyone had any advice? I'm struggling to cope with the lack of structure, of knowing (or not knowing) whats expected of me and with the prospect that this might take over my life, when I really don't want it to.

I also have that world-famous, constant feeling that I have no idea what the hell I'm doing, but does anyone also have advice for dealing with this? I'm terrified to start lab work, terrified of having no experimental design, or even things as simple as working the machines or thinking of an appropriate experiment, and my supervisor wants lab work to start within the month.

I've spoken with admin/pastoral care and we all agreed I need a holiday (yet to talk to supervisor), especially with taking no break between MSc and PhD, but I'm scared that I'll just feel as terrible when I come back off leave.

I'm debating whether I've come onto a PhD for the right reasons, I can't even think of the reasons I wanted a PhD in the first place anymore.