SadPhDStudent,

You get honesty because of all the times people say "oh it's normal to disagree with your supervisor/feel depressed etc.". What I see in your writing, like my experience, isn't normal.

Your advice is spot on. I saw a counsellor, will go back again soon. She helped me get rid of a lot of pain I carried around with me. She could not believe how I had been treated, and got angry and frustrated herself.

I'll look at Awaken the Giant. I think this is the main thing I will get from this experience, not training, not skill, just having been tested as a person and hopefully coming out successful. I realise that success isn't about whether my supervisor will pass me or not (I can't get to a viva without him doing so, and I can't change supervisor). It's how I act.

Become the giant you are, the giant you have been shaped into by your journey.

Thank you for making me feel like I am not alone in my experiences.

Good luck

You're screwed. I say this from being in a very similar position. Will any academic break ranks and stand up for you over their colleague? I realised that was never going to happen for me. I can only say that I am disgusted by what has happened.

See if you can get out of there. To another uni, another department.

Draw a line around this **** so that it doesn't take over your life. It took a year of stress related illness to start to get there for me.

Get realistic. Ask yourself: how can I win if I stay in this department with this supervisor? What other options do I have to enjoy my life?

I chose to stay and stick it out. My complaints went as high as possible without being official. I got ****** at every stage. Exactly the same "do what you are told". 1+1=3. This is the truth. It doesn't matter what everyone else says. I'm "too stupid to understand". Realising that I am dealing with a truth speaker (i.e. my supervisor is a prophet who has no experience, understanding, but his words are beyond contest, even when he tells me that I'm right wing and don't think the rights of others are important - I have to write this to get a phd) has been a major help to me.

This isn't fair. Accept this. Academics are the kings of their own little kingdoms. This isn't about to change where I am.

Sorry if this comes across as absolutist, just like "do what you are told like a good child". This absolutism is how I deal with the physical and mental devastation of working for an idiot who thinks force of personality, ad hominem, authoritarianism, elitism, and revisionism are acceptable styles of discourse.

If you have any advice on coping mechanisms I'd love to hear it.

You are the only one that matters. Get what you want, and realise the cost. But make that cost as small as possible.

Good luck!