Hi,

My old post here details a bit about my depression:

Thanks for the replies guys, I will try and answer each post now:

@AnnJolie & Chickpea - I have gone back to counseling, but am currently on a waiting list. I will look into using University Counseling/Welfare to bridge the gap a bit. I'm looking into mindfulness and some self help stuff, but the problem I have is that when I have a good day/period i disregard that stuff and act as if i am fine. I think I have recognised that this is why my behavior is cyclic.

@IntoTheSpiral - "If I'd just been absent from everything I think I would have really, really struggled to come back" - this is what really worries me about the idea of suspending. If I cannot find employment here at my University/Town I will have to return to living with my parents, and give up my social life and sport. I think this would absolutely crush me.

Thanks again for the replies. I really like the idea of part time work away from the PhD but still in my field. I don't think the PhD itself is directly contributing to my illness, but I do worry that my work is really starting to suffer.

I'm due a meeting with all of my supervisors and the HoD. I will probably discuss the outcome of that here. Thanks again guys

Hi,

First post here. I am currently coming the end of the 2nd year of my PhD. I am being treated for quite serious clinical depression (medicated), which I had before the PhD and has got worse over the last 2 years. I was recently hospitalized due to an overdose of tablets, and following this the head of department (HoD) has expressed views that he thinks I should suspend my studies for 3-6 months.

However, I am a bit of a workaholic, and I've actually been channeling a lot of my unhappy energy into my PhD studies. It is pretty common for me to work 8am-2am the next day, 7 days a week. I feel that it would be very difficult for me to face my peers if I return from a period of leave for depression, as it is really quite embarrassing and I personally view my illness as weakness/an excuse to shirk my work.

In addition to this, I am the editor of a magazine here at the University and a staff-student rep on a society. I feel immense responsibility over my roles, and feel that suspending my studies would really destroy me inside, and make me feel incredibly guilty.

I feel like physically begging the HoD to reconsider his recommendations, as I don't really know if failing something I am so passionate about would push me into a bit of a bad place. More than anything I just feel immense shame that I have allowed others to see me in this state.

I've browsed some of the prior posts on this site, but was wondering if anyone else had some comments. Don't really know what I am asking here, but would just like to see what other PG's feel.

Final point - I am industry funded in a large project, and the fact that I am failing them is really getting me down. I was supposed to go offshore this summer, but my medical was declined due to depression, so they already know somewhat

Thanks