Hi all,

I thought I'd provide an update on my corrections - well, the first thing would be that I'm still here! After going through a period of thinking of giving up on a daily basis, I decided to continue it - mainly because I was determined not to let it beat me. This has been helped by the fact that I've managed to get an extension which will help a lot, or at least give me a fighting chance.

I can't pretend I'm not anxious about it and a potential second viva, but I don't wake up with the blinding rage I had before. It's now been replaced by a desire to get it out of my life as soon as possible, and get my life back...

Sartois.

Hi all,

Thanks for your replies, they're much appreciated. I have started work on my PhD again, and the primary motivation hasn't really been external (i.e. more money, more free time, or even the amount of time I've put in, etc), it's been internal. Basically I'm refusing to let myself be beaten by my PhD and, by association, my hideous supervision and circumstances (I've also developed, and now thankfully contained, an incurable inner ear disease).

It's not the most positive motivation in the world, but it'll do. :)

Sartois

Hi all,

As fair warning, this is a tired rant and nothing more. I'm thinking of giving up my PhD of seven years and counting, despite the fact I've had my viva and have to resubmit in 4.5 months.

My PhD has been a poster child for how they shouldn't happen - five different supervisors (one of which I removed since he wasn't doing anything at all, and another who left after using me as a pawn in her career), a threat of being sued by one supervisor for theft of academic property (on studies in my own PhD which I hadn't even designed and conducted), a complete lack of feedback on chapters by another, and finally my viva which was the most emotionally traumatic event in my life (which also revealed that my 'expert' supervisor was approximately 15 years behind the times). In it my internal show-boated to the externals and was told by the moderator to drop a point he was hammering home and move on. I have to revise and resubmit and will have another viva, with all chapters needing work.

The fact is, that whilst I'm technically 'close' I've barely done anything on it, because I simply don't care now. I don't care about the letters after my name, I'll take no pride in my thesis being bound, and every day I have to drag myself out of bed even to think about doing the PhD revisions.

The only reason I even try to continue is because I can't think of another way to earn a living (having already got a part-time job as an academic). I will feel a sense of regret at not finishing my PhD but the process has destroyed so much of me and I'm filled with so much rage and bitterness about my experiences. If I could think of another source of income to live and raise a family, I'd quit right now.

/rant over

Thanks for reading, sorry for the bad vibes.

Sartois.

Hi Ian,

Yup, all fair options; the PGCHE impact has lessened slightly, since I'm going to be able to go through via the portfolio route, it'll still take up some time but not nearly so much. I've decided to start work on all the corrections and then see how I feel in three months time.

Sartois

Hi all,

Sorry re. my exceptional lack of replying, I'm afraid the reality is that I've not had a chance to work on my PhD - I've had lectures to write, etc plus work duties. So, I've wasted 3.5 months of my extra year which really wasn't a good plan but I get so monumentally angry when I think of it (plus anxious) that for my own mental health I've stayed away from it.

I got an email from my main supervisor saying he was worried about the progress of my PhD, which isn't entirely surprising to be honest. I think the main problem is that I don't care anymore - and I don't mean that in a trite 'throwing toys out of the pram' sort of way, but in a 'I'm just so tired of all this, I don't want it in my life' way.

Anyway, maybe I'll feel chirpier if I can some work done on it, but to be honest if I could think of another way of making money and surviving, I'd do that in a flash. Ho hum...

Sartois.

Hi all,

My first post here so 'hello', I had my viva on Friday and have to revise and resubmit my thesis which, as you might expect, isn't exactly what I was looking for. To be honest, the viva was one of the worst experiences of my life, after a while I told myself I'd just have to keep going and then it would over. At one point the internal kept on going about a certain point, despite my having defended it to the best of my abilities, and the Chair had to tell him that the point was made and we should move on. I'm not talking about him talking about it for a minute or so without any response from me, I'm talking about several iterations of him going back to the point. I actually felt more supported by the externals (two of them) than I did by the internal.

Anyway, it's revise and resubmit, and after 6.5 years of part-time PhD I'm not sure I have the desire anymore. I lecture at the University I'm studying in and have recently upgraded to a full time job (although it's only temporary), plus I'm going to have to do a Post-graduate certificate in Higher education (PGCHE) and I've got a creeping feeling that they might want more data collected. I'm not sure it's possible to do all of this. So...that's where I'm at, my apologies for such a grumbling post for my first post on the forum.

Sartois.