Hi There,

I know that it's quite common to be lonely, and have negative thoughts about your PhD, however I find myself after less than a year asking myself if I can really defend what I'm doing. I know what it is I'm looking at, and while I don't really see the practical aspects of this I like to think that I'm doing it as more of a "Why?" than "How?" type question, but recently at my bi-yearly meeting they outright asked me a question that completely threw me off. It shouldn't have, and I should have been able to worm out of it with stating that I'm looking to suggest reasons rather than trying to force a firm conclusion, but that really got me thinking, and I don't know if I really have faith in my PhD. It's really frustrating and stressing me out, as a PhD has always what I've wanted to achieve, but to what extent can you really defend a question that, in my case, was asked by my supervisor who was applying for funding in the first place, and essentially took me on as an employee?

I've heard a lot about how people get depressed at the lack of social interaction during the 3 or however many years, which believe me, I know too well, but most of these people at least have some faith in the stuff they're doing. Is it really normal to feel like this? Am I going for a PhD for the wrong reasons? I'm only a short time in, but surely I shouldn't be feeling like this at this point. I feel like I'm going crazy!

I really hate the idea of me dropping out, as this is what I've always wanted to do. I just fear reaching the end of the 3 year period and still feeling hopeless, and potentially trying to find reasons to continue dragging on and on, leaving me far older than I should be, going for a graduate job, with 5+ years of inexperience compared with anyone my age.

Are these feelings common? I feel like I'm running round in circles!