Hi everyone,

I found this forum the other day and realized it is full of people like me - yay!

I have posted a few things, but I thought a "who is this person" thread would be useful as well.

I am getting my PhD in Biomedical Engineering - specializing in cancer and stem cell research. I am married (no kids, 1 cat) to someone getting his PhD in Music Comp. and we live nearly an hour from campus.

I have my MS and BS in BME as well and have done a couple of years of "real work" before deciding to come back.

I look forward to chatting with all y'all and sharing in the joys and lows of getting our "terminal degrees".

:-)

So I'm just finishing my 2nd year in my PhD program (Biomed. Engr) and I find myself wondering if my relationship with my advisor is "normal".

For my MS, we (the whole office group) would often sit to lunch together, share stories outside of work, etc. I also felt he was available to chat with about any issues that came up. My DH has an even closer relationship with his (Music) advisers, including going to parties together, facebook friends, etc.

My current advisor and I don't really spend a lot of social time together - hardly any really - and she has several additional duties that take her time up as well. So I hardly ever talk to her for longer than 15 minutes unless it's a meeting when we are going over how well I'm doing (failing) my work. During those meetings, I often feel uncomfortable and have trouble making eye contact. I find myself defending and stumbling even though I know what I'm trying to say is right, it sounds clumsy. I know I'm not the most socially likeable person in general, but it seems like other people in the lab have a more easy going relationship.

So any tips? Anyone feel the same?

Bonus rant/suggestions requested:

We also have a lab manager - a very nice person, but often I don't really know what our roles are supposed to be. So if you have a lab manager, how do you get along? Do you keep it more business or throw in a mix of personal? How much do you talk to them about your project/get help from them?

Thanks everyone!

Oh yes - I have done this many times in my MS time and I've come close several times during my 2 years so far for my PhD. I think they are mostly tears of frustration that something isn't going the way I want/expect but sometimes it's tears of other stuff (sadness, failure, whatever).

My three tips - 1, bring water with you to any meeting - you can sip and get a break before you bawl. 2, bring tissues with you, just use them discretely as needed. 3, look at the ceiling, floor, wall, whatever to get away from the piercing eyes (I find the ceiling best, as tilting my head up reduces tears falling out).

I find it makes most supervisors uncomfortable, so I often apologize as soon as it starts and ask if I can meet again later after I regroup. I also let them know it's not THEM, but its the derailing of the plan/whatever...

But yeah, people reach a breaking point and then crack and research can trigger that very quickly, just move on from it.

I can offer solidarity....

It can be very frustrating when something won't progress with the speed we hope! For my MS, I had to wait almost 1.5 years to start the actual experiments, but once I did, they went quite fast and I was able to still finish in 2 years + 1 summer.

My suggestion would be to contact the safety officer in charge, or perhaps someone else in your department who may have better luck.

Also, the first several years will be you thinking you must be the dumbest person alive and why are you doing this - until one day it clicks and you know more than you think! (At least it worked for my MS, I'm still in the dumb phase of my PhD.) Just keep reading, keep researching, try and get someone to help you move the lasers forward and give yourself a break as you are trying!