Hey! Thanks for your replies! I agree with chickpea... though as a training psychologist - sometimes we are better understanding others than ourselves! :P

Hi!

No, I am not babygirl (but though now it was mentioned - I went to have a look at her post!)

My story is very different... my supervisors wife passed away (in which I did not initially know until he told me over coffee) - but we met before I was a student of his... actually he approached me asking if I was from the department - and we initially just had a lovely conversation. Ironically, I ended up having him as a lecturer later on that year... and I became interested in his field of work. We became quite close... him giving me compliments such as I "always looked so good" and that "I was stunning" (so hence, I thought there might be some mutual interest) ... it did get very personal, because he opened up about his late wife and family.

I was developing feelings and before we started working together... I thought I better just say something before it became too much. I told him if the situation made him uncomfortable, I could find someone else to work with.

Thank you for the comments so far - I know, it is a difficult situation - one that is very delicate and private. There is more to it than this - it is just in a nutshell that I have described here.

Hi there!

It has been a while since I have been on here! Though, I thought I would update on those whom were following my post in terms of supervisor attraction and whether to change supervisors....

So, I ended up telling him (via email) that I was attracted to him, and if this made him uncomfortable I would understand (I did think the feelings could have been mutual... hence why I ended up feeling confident in just sharing my thoughts). He said it was a little uncomfortable, that he liked to be friendly but professional boundaries were important (if anyone reads my last post.... I found this interesting!) and that if it would be an issue, we shouldn't work together.

We aren't working together at the moment, but however, I have been planning a project with him for at least half a year now... so I was surprised he could just "dismiss" me so fast... I didn't see it as an issue, I just needed to say it because it cleared that "awkward" feeling in the room of tension. I thought though he might have asked me to at least have a chat about it without completely saying "we shouldn't work together"...

Oh dear... :(

Hey wowzers - I think that is exactly what I am going to do! Whatever happens, happens - but not under his supervision. I think I might start on the lookout for another supervisor in my other dept - perhaps he could be an advisor, but I think I will prefer someone else whom will be directly related to my project.... hopefully it works out! Thanks again.

Hi there all,

I apppreciate all this help - thank you (and especially more because I am new to this dynamic!)
I am a local student (however did have a few years overseas also studying and teaching!). Hence, the reason why I somewhat 'knew' him when he approached me the first time thinking I was in the dept.

However, it is so difficult to think of him purposely manipulating me - as he has children whom are younger than myself and his late wife was very respectable and was part of our faculty too.
Perhaps personally he is lonely - I confided to someone else, and they said very much what some of you have said - that he is trying to deal with his feelings to work with me, however it is coming out as unprofessional banter.
But also, I think it is important (as you have all said!) to tread carefully. Even at a meeting the other day, I was looking over his shoulder at his computer - and discussing some work on the screen. The way he was looking at my face - I couldn't focus on the screen. I looked at him and it was one of those moments where you are both just looking at each other and... a kiss just happens. He then quickly said to sit down and he would talk with me there - hence that broke the tension quickly lol.
I think as someone said here... you never know what could happen in the heat of the moment. And the fact that this is happening very early on, I think it would be difficult to even be in the same, small office.

Thank you very much for this advice - I think that it was my main concern that it would be difficult to find someone whom would be interested in my project. Just a recent conversation we had about me drinking a bit too much at a faculty party - he said that at least it wasn't dancing on a table asking for a pole.... hmmm... innuendo?
I think it's those sorts of things that tend to put a bit of "tension" in the room.... not sure about him, but certainly makes me think of other things when with him!

Thank you, Barramack. I think I may have to re-consider some choices and make a final decision! It is definitely not easy, however. I always want to jump ahead - so your advice to take a small step at a time is very useful!

Thank you for your reply! I think there is some good advice in these messages. He said he wouldn't take offence if I changed supervisors - so, perhaps that might be the best idea. It's the typical notion though of that he is the only person whom specializes with the work I want to do... so it is a tough decision! (always ends up being that way - doesn't it?) It's quite crazy - we haven't worked together for every long at all - less than a few months. However, we knew each other via the 'chance encounters' that we came accross!

Thank you for your words. At the very first meeting, he thought I was from the "department" - so whether that meant he thought I was a student or not at that time. However, he did know the second time that I was in his lecture series. So when I first asked about his work a few months later - I kept it professional as I knew he wouldn't remember me from the encounters in public, However, I ran into him in the building and he said he remembered me by our encounter - and looked up my student information because he knew it was me. I was incredibly impressed... as you could imagine!

Thank you chickpea for your reply. I think because we had met initially, whatever "feelings" were there were carried out into this professional relationship - if that makes sense? I didn't initially have feelings for him at all - but after he approached me the second time, things changed.
I think the notion of that he would approach me and just chat with me (even with my friends) I noticed things were different - my friends think it is lovely, however I would think that if there were any feelings on his part - he would have told me he couldn't work with me? (Instead of me bringing it up?)

Thank you for your reply. I do think it was there when I met him for the first time, however it has become more difficult now that we are working closer together. His partner isn't with us anymore... hence could explain some emotions there. Definitely hadn't thought about this until it started... so just looking out for both of us - like you said, sooner rather than later!

Thanks for your advice, TreeofLife. He is very respected with staff members - so I am not too sure. Perhaps it is just his persona... however, I haven't seen this with other students (as far as I am aware).
I was so happy to find someone I connected with very well - now I am not exactly sure what that "connection" is!

Thank you for your responses (yes - fairly new to this, so it is great to hear opinions!) I think it was those tiny things at the first meetings that got to me - for example, the first thing he did was compliment me on my necklace (however, he spent a great deal just looking at it... and I was thinking, "Ummm... interesting?" He then asked what it meant - none the less, I was suprised he noticed such minor detail about me - as it wasn't about the work! He came up with a lot of jokes, trying to figure out a nickname for me...etc. Another time, I was with a friend and he said I "always looked really good" - and then said, "um, I mean always positive and happy". I thought it could have been light-banter - maybe it is and I am reading into it! However, I was caught surprised that he remembered who I was initially by e-mail (just by a chance, fleeting meeting when I wasn't even in his class to begin with!). My gut instinct told me initially that there is something different here - however, I needed to email him recently about a few things and he was late replying (I needed to get it sorted as I am leaving for a holiday) and he said he was sorry that he replied late, there were personal issues with him but not to be concerned or worry.... Hmmmmm...... a it worried?

... And this is probably been posted numerous of times - but is a little different! It is my first year as a postgraduate/finalist student. I am wondering in how to continue working with a supervisor whom you are developing feelings for... or does it sound like he could have been attracted to me?
We actually met in my undergraduate years - in which we ran into each other in public. I didn't know who he was then - but he conversed with me, thinking I was from his class. We ended up having a lovely conversation - even though I had no idea who he was!
However, I ended up having one of his classes a few months later! Again, he recognized me from the 700+ students in our lecture series - and I was amazed that he remembered me again! We had a light conversation about our weekends - and he was teasing me about the certain foods I was buying... ha!

I ended up being very interested in his research (go figure!) and so I was able to message him in regards to this a few months later. He said he knew who I was just by how I had written the message, and knew he had spoken to me before. We talked more about his research - and about my idea of research in his field. He is very optimistic and has an idea already planned for me, and has done a lot of work in advance to help me. He wants us to try and get our work published together, and to continue my work further with him.

However, now my feelings are growing for him - even at seminars now though we won't talk to each other around other academics, he will joke that I should have said something in a message, or he will tease me about something and then say he's too nice of a man... ha ha! This banter however, makes my feelings stronger - but I wonder if there were feelings there initially - and if this would make it difficult?