Hey

Just wanted to say thanks Lara and Alex... your replies really did help me put things into perspective... I'm usually more generally optimistic than I was when writing my original post, but I guess it just all got a bit much and I could only see the negatives (perhaps it didn't help that I was writing it while tired and in the early hours of the morning when I would have maybe been better off sleeping? :p)
Anyway, after some sleep and a lot of thought I know I've got to stick with this at least a bit longer... in some ways I think I've actually been focusing too far ahead, to the extent that I've lost any 'joy' in the day-to-day, seeing only the obstacles ahead... so am just going to try and see if I can get some of that 'joy' back. I'm also going to go see my Disability Support person to get some advice on time management etc (to be honest, I've avoided her all year as I feel more 'normal' that way.. if that makes any sense?) and am going to try to stop comparing my progress with everyone elses all the time. Never know, maybe I'll even pluck up the courage to talk to my supervisor(s) too!?
You've also helped me remember some of my reasons for wanting to do this PhD... perhaps not the best of reasons for some, but one of mine was simply just to see if I could... to see if I was cut out for research and/or research was something I could see myself enjoying... there were times I never thought I'd be able to get my degree either, but am glad I didn't quit that... and I've also remembered that it was never really about 'getting' a PhD as such when I made the decision to start applying to study for one anyway... it was about trying to see how far I could go personally (mentally and in some senses physically) i.e. to discover more of my own preferences/limitations etc.
So thanks, I think you're right - it won't be the end of the world if I don't get that final bit of paper or the label 'Dr'... I will still be me and I reckon all my family want is for me to be happy in what I do... it's kind of just one option that I'm trying out to see if it suits me; and if it doesn't then I guess I can cross it off the list and look elsewhere... can at least say I gave it my best shot ;-)

All best to you :-)

Hey

Am feeling a bit lost and seriously considering giving up my PhD. I hate to quit anything, but really am not sure I'm capable of producing the standard of work required at this level. I think this may be partly because I came straight from my degree and I feel like I don't have enough experience - my actual degree was only generally related to the area I am now covering, so I seem to lack a lot of the basic skills everyone else has. One guy in my lab even commented that I always seem a bit lost and not really looking like I know what I'm doing (I think he meant this kindly, but obviously it's still very worrying). To be honest, most of the time I really don't feel like I know what I'm doing either

However, I've also been having some problems health-wise - I have a long-term condition - and with one of my supervisors, who was initially friendly, but who has now suddenly started acting really strangely around me - to the point where it's uncomfortable for me to be around him. On top of this my other supervisor is concerned that, as I'm coming to the end of my first year, I won't be ready for my annual assessment. Although this has been partly sorted - I've been told due to my circumstances I could get an extension should the need arise - I'm just so tired and worried all the time that I can't seem to focus at all any more and think I've lost both my motivation and perspective on all of this :-(

Because of my disability I'm also concerned that my main supervisor is scared to say she doesn't think me capable - and wonder if that's the only reason they don't ask me to leave. I'd really hate for this to be the case, not just because they might not think me capable either, but because my condition might be stopping them from telling me so. I don't want to waste anyone's time or money, nor do I want to let anyone down

Am sorry to ramble like this ... but would appreciate any insights/advice anyone has to offer - whether to quit or not and/or how might be the best way to deal with my supervisor(s). Being in the situation, I just don't think I can see things objectively anymore and am not sure what to do for the best, whether to stay or just cut my losses now... all seems too much at the moment and I can't decide :-(