Hi Chococake,

Thanks for your thoughts. It's a funny one as a lot of the work I really enjoy... it's just that as soon as i'm by myself, trying to write, everything becomes disastrous and I become a bit of a pathetic mess! I think there are ways I can do what I like without the added pain of the stuff that i deeply hate. I've learnt that I need to be working as part of a team. I don't have ambitions of academia (and now am very sure that it would just be too stressful for me!) And my discipline has ebbed away as the writing becomes such a massive mental monster!

I think I could probably 'do it' if I carried on... but not without a whole lot of pain. And for me... I don't see the purpose of doing that to myself anymore. I want that you-should-be-doing-something-else monster gone too! I want to have the flexibility to move city. I want to start planning my future and not feel like everything is on hold for what increasingly feels like no good reason.

So for these reasons... I very may well be out!

(checking myself... maybe I'm freaking out because I have a deadline that I'm struggling with...BUT this is only going to get worse right?!)

I'm going to explore my options with the organisations I'm working with. Which was recommended to me months ago. And see what happens

Hi Barramack,

Thankyou for your response- yes I think thither are many more, less painful, ways in which I can achieve the same goal of working in my sector. A PhD definitely isn't necessary in that.

I am very nervous about discussing this with my supervisor and the organisation- my ideal situation is that the organisation decide to hire me (I'm not employed with them at the moment, I just did some extra work with them alongside my PhD) and perhaps in a few years I may decide to pick it up again (is that possible?!) But considering how much I would have let them down by not producing the PhD work that they've funded me for... I feel very much that it is an unlikely option.

I will let you know the final decision (which is going to have to be after a very painful upgrade interview!) and how this little mess of mine turns out :)

Hi guys,

I'm 18 months into my PhD and I'm fairly sure I'm ready to go.

I'm part funded by an organisation that I really love and a lot of the time that I have been registered, I've been working with them.
I have had a couple of 'public wobbles' where I have let my supervisor know that I am really struggling with keeping up the PhD work.

Thing is- that was 6 months ago now. At which point my supe asked if I actually wanted to do the PhD or just wanted to work with the organisation. At that point I didn't know how to answer.... now? I definitely do. I want to work with them. And throw the towel in with the PhD.

I really love the work with them but as soon as I have to do some PhD writing, I break down. And it's gotten worse and worse. I have never met a deadline and have totally lost motivation with my own research. I am due to submit an upgrade report in a couple of days and its not existent. I can't sleep, concentrate and yet I'm totally apathetic.

So. I feel awful for having let down the organisation funding me, my supervisor etc. But this just isn't for me.

How do you think this will reflect on my reputation within a small sector? And any suggestions on next steps?

Hi everyone- I really appreciate your motivational words. I feel very fortunate to have such a network here! (I was expecting a bit of a - get your lazy ass in gear response).

Caro- I am in the social sciences. My time is currently split between a project that may be useful to my future project (if i ever actually think and commit as to how this could be) and my own desk.

Wowzers- My upgrade has to be within 18months so my grand plan is to draw up an official goal plan taking me back for that (req's literature review and methodology chapters. Thought of that at the moment makes me feel quite ill.)

I think the absolute standstill (and there has been about a month with literally nothing.) has come from a lack of structure to my day and extremely vague goals. So I will take this plan to my supervisor and then break it down and STICK TO IT!

I've heard a lot about this tomato technique... think now is the time to get on it :)

Thanks all!

Hi everyone,

Im kinda here for a much needed kick up the bum...

I have been on my fully funded phd programme for 10 months and have made very little progress. I know everyone says this... but I mean it. My levels of procrastination have got worse and worse and on (extremely panicked) reflection I realise that I have done VERY little. I have been socialising and aggressively smoking to block out the work commitments. No organisation to my notes (where there are any), no progress towards a research project and have a small deadline in a few days (set a month ago) that I have only just dragged myself out of the pit of despair to try and get to grips with.

I realise (in hindsight) that I have not taken advice as I have assumed that 'I should know this already'. I haven't asked the right questions because 'I should know this already'. And now Im terrified that my only option is to quit. I feel that I didn't think through doing a phd in the first place and assumed it will just happen... I am aware of how insulting this sounds to everybody else who works so very hard. But I know that if I quit I will just have something else to hate me for and no job prospects.

I have (again in a fit of horrendously unprofessional panic) spoken to my supervisor (about which I can remember very little as I was EXTREMELY panicked at the time) who agreed to this small deadline. The problem is, I dont think it is relevant and I just spouted the suggestion in an effort to get through the meeting.

I have always been a last minute self-sabotage addict and I believe I need to put my hands up and admit that I am not cut out to do this because I have been overwhelmed from the start and not addressed it suitably.

Any advice???