Hi there

If this is what you want to do, if you have your wife's support, then do both - giving up your dream of a PhD may also lead to frustration and resentment at a later stage, which can put another type of strain on your relationship.

I am on the (very) wrong side of 30 and a mum of 2 fab kids (4 and 18 months), I do a PhD full time (back after a year out on mat leave for my 2nd year - fully funded) with some teaching duties and I do it all by myself (with a little help from my fantastic childminder). I won't tell you it's breeze , and many times I feel like giving up but showing a good example to my children (hard-work, determination, going for things and seeing them through despite difficulties, etc) is what drives me. That and I love my project of course... Plus I have a fab sup team, which I am very grateful for.

Of course, hols and many luxuries are out of the window but if you are sensible, you can get by. Also, your time with your kids is just that - they grow up fast and you should savour every second of it.

Sacrifices mean working late into the night (some people work at the w/e but for me it's extra special time with my kids so we mostly spend it having fun) - sometimes going on next to no sleep and dealing with life's many surprises on top of the work/studies can take its toll but you can get solace in reminding yourself that it is your choice, no-one's forced you into it and some have it much harder than that and can't do anything about it.

If you choose to go for the PhD and try for a baby (which could happen quickly or take a while - not an exact science unfortunately), make sure that all along the pregnancy (not always a fun time) and more importantly when baby is there, you do your fair share of baby-related stuff even if this means PhD stuff take a back seat for a while -being pro-active and showing that her and baby are still your top priority (as it should be) will hopefully mean that in return your wife will be more supportive and understanding on those days when you have to spend extra time on the studies.

It's not an easy balance to strike but, provided you have your wife's full and unreserved back up, is totally feasible - you just have to accept that you'll have your bad days: you can't be on top of everything all the time (I've become a lot less precious about housework for example...) and baby will come first under any and all circumstances.

Only you can make this choice and whatever you choose to do, best of luck.

Hi Ariajolie

There is no 'practical' time to start a family in my experience - whenever is right for you is the right time. Besides, you can't always plan these things, and even when you do make a conscious decision to start a family you don't know when it's actually going to happen - best laid plans and all this ...

Hello and Happy New Year

I know from very recent experience that you can apply for up to 12 months off on maternity leave (I came back from mine last September). I have also been granted extra maternity pay by my Uni on top of SMP as part of my bursary, which came as a lovely surprise as I wasn't aware of it. All I had to do was submit a maternity certificate (Mat B1 I think) to my post grad office and they did all the rest.

I have personally found both being pregnant during my first year (I had a difficult pregnancy) and coming back to the PhD (full time) after a whole year out with a baby and a 4 year-old to take care of on top of my teaching duties a real 'challenge' to put it mildly. Childcare is a headache at times, sleepless nights are a very unwelcome recurrence and very difficult to recover from when you have so much to do, I have developped organisation skills I (and most members of my family!) didn't know I had and spare time is practically non-existent, although the chief procrastinator that I am still manages to find plenty of time to waste...

Still, this can be done and is, on a good day (there are a few of these too thankfully), the most rewarding experience.

Hope this helps

Sounds like fun!!

Good luck with the work, and remember to breathe!

Having read (and written myself) a few posts / cries for help today, I thought a morale boosting operation (or at least an attempt, albeit a clumsy one) was in order.

So here's what made me smile (and more...) today: my baby took her first steps this morning!

Also, and this is no mean feat in our busy household on a Friday evening, the fridge is still full(ish). Not for much longer though: I've got my eye on an indecently large piece of (homemade) lemon cheesecake, that should go a fair way to cheer me up.

Finally, my neighbour popped in earlier to ask if I wanted my car washed for free by her wayward teenager (phase 23 of her 'need to learn his lesson' programme...). That made me chuckle, especially given the state of my car.

So all in all, not a bad day.

What made you smile today? (all the better if it isn't PhD related!).

Good luck with it all x

Apologies for my previous post - I think I may have misread you. I guess a temp job is in fact your best bet, although I wouldn't dismiss talking to your Postgrad Office as chances are others before you were in the same boat so they might be able to advise you.

I know of a student who was able to extend her studentship and got extra money whilst writing up, so you could enquire about that.

I take it you will still be considered a student during the next 6 months - have you considered applying for the Access For Learning Fund?

Hello Catnat

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have returned from a year out on maternity and was lucky enough to receive SMP as a GTF, but I also received some maternity pay from University as part of my bursary (which I didn't even know existed), so I guess you should let your postgraduate office know, provided you are comfortable talking to them about it at this early stage in your pregnancy.

Depending on your due date and yourPhD completion date, they might be able to help, or at least point you in the right direction.

Best of luck with it all x

Hi Sheena

So good to see that it can be done (I too am a PhD mum with 2 under 5's). Time to enjoy the festive season! Best of the luck for the viva

Hi all

I just thought I'd come back to give a quick update, and maybe get some positive vibes from the optimists amongst you.

After a few nightmarish weeks of virtually no sleep (teething for the baby, night terrors for the oldest), huge childcare issues (childminder had an epiphany and has decided to open an art cafe in Wales - queue panic at finding last-minute reliable replacement and see 2 precious weeks of work go in smoke) and prolongued bouts of daytime TV watching (no excuse for this one!), I now have to cram in 3 weeks' worth of work in 2 days.

Submission for full chapter redraft is on Monday. Can this be done? (Please say yes!!)

Thanks so much for your replies and positivity (is that even a word?!!). I am in Humanities, so plenty of scope for idleness and procrastination unfortunately!!

Good luck to the both of you, and Matilda, I will be trawling the forum for your older posts - I am intrigued...

Hello everyone - longtime reader, newtime poster!

As I am embarking on my 2nd year PhD after a year out (maternity), I am staring to wonder whether I am not taking on too much.

I am a fulltime student with teaching duties (6 hours a week) and a bursary. I also am a mum to 2 gorgeous children (one has just started school, the other has just turned one) and I live on my own with them quite a distance way from Uni (roughly 1h30 train commute).

I really love my thesis, my sups are relatively supportive and the little voice inside my head tells me I can do it, but when I think of the sheer amount of work, organisation and dedication required to climb this particular mountain, I get scared. I

know some PhDers who don't have other commitments spend at least 10 hours a day, 7 days a week working on their theses (nowhere near what I do) and still think it's not enough. I work for 6 hours solidely during the day and another couple of hours during the night when the children are in bed, but don't do much during the w/e and also have to get lessons ready. I have an important panel coming up, and have to submit a substantial amount of work in the next couple of weeks, and I'm getting nervous just at the thought of it!

Has anyone done it? Have you got any tips? Any thoughts much appreciated!