Overview of LouLou15 on PostgraduateForum.com

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Signup date: 03 Feb 2014 at 9:53pm

Last login: 07 Oct 2014 at 12:24pm

Post count: 12

LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

So the deed is done.

It went horrendously. Worse than I imagined....

I was completely right about her judging me and my nursing decision. And then she started crying and screaming...

Terrible.

However my supervisors were both amazing and actually said I would make a great nurse based on what they've seen of my skills and personality. Very supportive and just wonderful.

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Hey all!

So I have finally made the decision to quit my Phd. Some of you may remember my post about my situation.

I have found a job so I'm not just blindly quitting, and I plan on pursuing my dream of becoming a nurse in a couple of years time.

I'm going to see my supervisors and the school about my decision to quit today. Which is scary enough. But I'm also skyping my mum tonight to tell her about it. And that is terrifying!

She knows that I have been thinking about quitting and this has been met quite negatively. Such comments as 'you just need to persevere' and 'I'm older so I know better what's good for you and quitting isn't' etc....

Now how do I break it to her? I know she will be upset and I hate that! Plus she will judge me and especially my decision to go into nursing. :( I don't really know how to approach everything!!!

Anybody have any advice? :/ THANKS!

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

I feel your pain.

However I have been persevering through my depression and trying to ignore it for a while which got me nowhere. I suggest you get help for it. Go see your GP or a counselling service at your university. They will really help you. You dont need to suffer through this stuff alone.

Hope you feel ok!

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From Mackem_Beefy:
Loulou,

Is a suspension an option to take stock of your situation properly?

Your posts suggest a career path designed to keep other people happy rather than yourself. You wanted to do nursing, you still do, but were persuaded to do a science degree. The PhD has followed on from that.

If you really want to do nursing and are able to enrol, then do so and bring a phase of your life where you have been very unhappy to an end.

A suspension period would give you time to think about where your life is going and what direction YOU want it to go without making a hasty decision. You might take a short break say, come back with a new plan and be able to change the experience in your favour.

However, reading between the lines I believe you have already subconsciously made your decision and coming back to the same project some months down the road you may not be able to face. This is something I understand from a poor second post-doc experience (in my case people rather than project) where I just couldn't wait to leave.

Ian

Suspension is an option - but to be honest not very viable for me - I wont get paid in that time and I cant afford that as I have bills etc.

I really do want to do it. And my heart is telling me to go for it. But then I start thinking about everyone else etc... :(

Sorry I sound so silly.

My heart is definitely not in it anymore - which is scary and upsetting - and hasnt been for a while. But facing this truth and taking action is very hard.

Did you see your post doc through? How did you cope?

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From Barramack:
I don't believe in sugar coating my contributions on this forum either. Some of the best feedback/advice I've received in regards to study/work has been brutally honest, and at times, bordering on what some (more delicate) people would consider rude and condescending.

LouLou15, whatever decision you make, all the best.

Thank you!

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From Fled:
I did not mean to offend you LouLou15, and if I did, I apologize..I am generally not known for my soft touch around these parts :P I see however you were able to extract the meaning out of my post so I am fully confident you will be ok. Do not give up on that nursing dream. Trust me, that little voice only gets louder.

Good luck!

Dont worry, I know what you meant to say. Thanks!

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From Fled:
Hello.

Staying in your PhD is not only hurting you, but it is taking up space at your institution and using up their resources which could be spent on someone REALLY motivated to do the work. Don't make a joke of the Academy and don't unnecessarily burden your supervisor(s) when you don't want to be there.

I am sure you parents rather you be happy that be "Ms. Happy" than "miserable Dr. so-and-so" If not, too bad. Its simple. Break the bad news to them, do the same with the supervisors and save yourself next semester's fees. Then you look at nursing training, when the next intake is, what exams or requirements are needed, you may have missed enrolment which gives you time to get all of your competencies in order for next time and also try to visit with some nurses to ask them if the Profession is all you imagined it to be. Fear is worrying about something which has not happened, and probably never will. Regret however is very real. You know what to do.

...the clock is ticking...

Very honest post indeed. I have a lot of guilt over the resources that are wasted on me at the moment. Im not trying to make a joke out of anyone - so Im trying to find a solution for this. :( Thanks for your advice.

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From Tulip:
Hi there,

I have to agree with Barramack, in that it's really hard to finish a PhD if you haven't got that passion for your topic. I felt like you in my first year and contemplated leaving to try another career path. Instead I stuck with it and am now starting my fourth year, and it's been a huge struggle. Every day is difficult trying to find the motivation to keep going but I feel that with a year to go I need to try and finish this thing.

You need to live your life for yourself and do what makes you happy. In terms of disappointing family/friends etc., if they're disappointed that's their problem and they'll get over it. I know from my own personal experience that family can have a way of making you feel guilty about these things, but it's your life and you have to be selfish. If you decide to leave and they are disappointed, they'll get over it when they realise how much happier you are. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Tulip

Yea I agree with you about the guilt thing... :/ I need to learn to be selfish I think but its so hard... :( Thanks!

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From Barramack:
If you really want to pursue a career in nursing, then follow you dream. Don't stick with something you can't stand, especially a PhD. It's going to get much harder and more stressful the longer you stay with it. The key with a PhD is that you need to be passionate about your thesis - which gets you through the rough patches midway through, and then in the later stages when you are 'over' it.

I want to follow my dream but I'm scared to leave. Also I'm scared of disappointing everyone. I know I sound silly but that's just how I feel at the moment. :(

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From awsoci:
If you really think that the PhD is not for you, you shouldn't continue. There are the PhD blues, and then there are the "Holy Shit, This is just not right for me." You are already feeling this at the end of your first year, can you imagine how you might feel down the road?

There will always be moments when the literature you read bores you, and you might find that as you get more into it, your interest will grow. I know for myself that my own interest grew as I continued, but at the beginning I was unsure/found my interest a bit lacking.

Is there an option for you to continue lab work, or to take on a Research Assistant or Lab Tech role while you figure out your career change? I would look into that to keep you going while you determine how to get into that career you want.

It's okay to start a PhD and realise it's not for you. There is no shame in trying and realising that you might be better off doing something else.

Thanks for your reply!

That's the thing I'm at a point of feeling like it was the biggest mistake of my life... :( And I'm just terrified of persevering till final year only to realise I can't write a thesis about something I loathe... And I wish literature excited me down the line. But I have completely no interest in any of it. :(

Not sure about lab work. And I have a career in mind - Nursing - something I wanted to do even before my undergraduate but was persuaded that a science degree would get me a better paying job... However I'm plain terrified to quit and then not get in to nursing which then will leave me with nothing.... :( But to be stuck doing something I hate for another 3 years which won't even lead me to something I really want to do - now that terrifies me more...

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Quote From cyvonne:
Hi,

Let me just start by saying I know exactly how you feel. I'm at the beginning of my 2nd year and I have days where everything seems completely hopeless on this PhD journey. During my first year I participated in individual and group therapy for anxiety and depression. I'm not going to lie I still struggle with both everyday (and actually just posted about my own fears).I guess the best advice I could give is too only listen to your heart on the good days. Depression can really alter our view on life and have us make hasty decisions that we wouldn't normally make.

I think you should maybe give it on more semester while you work through your issues and then decide if it's for you or not.

If you do decide to leave though, know that it's completely okay. Life is too short to be miserable!

Hope this helps :)

Ah it's good to know I'm not the only one! Thanks so much for your advice! Yea I'm not letting it make me do anything impulsive so I'm going to try and stick with it for a month or so.. But even contemplating it right now literally makes my stomach turn.... :(

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LouLou15 12 posts
10 years ago

Hi all,

I apologise if this sort of post is really frequent on here but I just need to get some opinions on my situation.

I am currently doing a science based PhD, just at the end of my first year, and I despise it. I can't even bear to look at it anymore. To make matters worse it got so bad that I fell into a bout of pretty horrible depression (don't worry I'm dealing with it with the help of my doctor), work motivation has been non existent for about 2 months now and I am basically on the verge of leaving.

The only things I really enjoyed about it was the practical animal work and some lab work - everything else I pretty much hate. And I am not even interested in the subject anymore. I read papers and they just bore the hell out of me. :(

I think I have now realised that I don't want anything to do with academia or even anything related to my phd, I want a complete change of career. So to keep going is an even harder challenge.

My parents seem to think its a case of phd blues but for me it just seems like the whole thing is wrong for me... :(

I'm down and feel horrible every day about it. It's just awful.

But I don't know what to do. Endure it and just push on with it or leave and do something else? (I have something in mind already).

Thanks for any views or opinions or advice.

Overview of LouLou15

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