I want to at least finish and submit my master's thesis - I am supposed to "buckle down" (as I told myself countless times in the last few months) today. But here I am again in the middle of the night (5am where I am right now) searching online about quitting grad school.

I still don't know if I want to quit - I probably should, considering the poor work ethic and complete loss of interest in my research area. I am scared about powering through and pursuing my PhD (assuming I manage to finish my master's next month) and deciding 3 years later that I again hate it and want to quit. I have been lonely the last year - despite meeting new people, I have not met anyone I am comfortable calling friends. I only get to see my fiancee once every couple months because we live nearly a thousand kilometres apart. I only see my family once a semester. I have as recently as yesterday thought maybe getting a pet cat would help with my depression and get me through this all.

There is also a possibility of social anxiety causing me distress as well. I just returned from a conference where I presented a poster that was co-authored by someone I hadn't spoken to in over a year. I did not tell them I submitted this poster, and I was terrified of running into them at the conference. I saw them walking by during my session and I ripped my poster down and ran away. I didn't tell anyone that this was an issue - my advisor just assumed I was keeping in touch properly.

In general, I am very lost. I am reluctant to admit that I am deciding to quit, as even now I still just "think" I want to quit. I am nervous about the consequences of this decision. I don't know what I would do if I quit - the only thing I know is school. I think I just want some opinions or advice. I wouldn't even know how to bring this up with my advisor - this is something that absolutely terrifies me. He is a very judgmental person, even when he tries to hide it. I am completely lost.

In June, I attended a conference with two colleagues and during a dinner all they would talk about was research. Not necessarily new research or research they're presenting, but one of them had just started dating a new girlfriend and they were talking about the relationship in terms of theory in our field. I commented that it was weird to do that and they replied "I guess that's what happens when you're passionate about what you do." At this point, it really clicked that I stopped caring about not only my research but academia in general. I spent the rest of that summer doing nothing but when meeting with my advisor I panicked and lied about the progress I made (e.g., what other analyses I did and what I planned to do).

Come September again, after essentially a 4 month paid vacation, I told myself I would buckle down and straighten up. Work hard again, like I did during my undergrad. It didn't take long before I started having thoughts about quitting and not wanting to do this anymore. Then October came. And then November. December. January. February. It is now March. The progress I have made could have been done within a single month, and yet it has taken me 6 and a half. And yet the entire time I spend the nights being restless about what I am doing (or not doing). I have not read a single journal article, performed any more analyses, or written a single word toward my thesis since last April.

I am now almost exactly one month away from my deadline for my master's thesis. My advisor recognizes my progress is slow (but probably does not realize the extent to which I have done nothing for the last year, because I often make stuff up when telling him about my progress). I think I have decided to quit, but I am not sure how to approach it - I am scared I might not even be able to finish the thesis in time.

Hello everyone.

I stumbled across this forum tonight while rolling around in bed once again ruminating about my current depression involving graduate studies. I spent a few hours browsing and came to realize that many people seem to experience almost exactly the feelings I am going through right now. Nonetheless, let me explain my situation and I apologize in advance if this becomes long winded.

When I started my undergraduate studies, I didn't know what I wanted to do until my second semester where I was inspired to pursue academia after being a student with a particularly charismatic professor. I dedicated the rest of my undergrad working extremely hard to balance achieving high grades, working to keep my student loans low, and gaining research experience in my field of interest. I was extremely passionate and was rewarded with admission to one of my top choices for a fully funded PhD program which started right after finishing my bachelors.

After starting the program in September, I really tried to impress my advisor by having a project planned (which was to become my master's thesis), lit reviewed, ready to go within the first semester which I was told was uncommon. It was exciting: I moved to a new city, I was meeting new people, and I was getting things done. However, the first signs of trouble began when I tried to stay in touch with my research supervisors at my undergrad to attempt publishing some work I had done there. I was asked to complete a certain task and I held off on it until, 15 months later, I have not sent another email to them (albeit, they have not contacted me either).

Cut to the May of that academic year, and I was starting to really let things go. I didn't keep up with readings, I didn't keep up with my project, and I was spending most of my time at home lying in bed.
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