Well said. I started a (pt) masters two years ago, aged 44, terrified that I might not be able to cope but it went well and I'm about to start a 3 year PhD studentship at the same university. I haven't really any great hopes regarding academic jobs further down the line; but that isn't why I started studying again; it was purely for personal fulfillment, 'adventure' and to see what happens.

Uncle Fretful writes:

You might not appreciate reading this, but from what you have written it sounds that you should give serious thought thought to whether this is the right relationship for you (and not just because of the PhD). You've said that it is repeatedly on-off, which is not a good sign: does it go back to 'on' for reasons of genuine commitment, co-dependency or fear of being alone? Also, his reactions to your problem - blanking of contact, etc - do not sound like a mature way of dealing with relationship problems. Do you really want to be with someone who by the sound of it sulks until he gets his way? You have made the important committment to doing a PhD. My advice, for what it is worth, is not to do anything to prejudice that committment, especially for a partner who may not be there in the long run.

Hi Meth - like you, I'm finishing a part time Masters and was worried that age might tell against me for getting a studentship (I have just turned 46) but I did get a University studentship and will be starting on a f/t PhD programme in October. Good luck!

I don't see why not: I applied for an AHRC award on topic A then applied for a studentship for topic B in the same department, same supervisor (who was all for it).

Why not make a nice big pan of stew? It lasts for days, and tastes better than any supermarket ready-crap does. The making it gives a break from work (though not too long), and helps rejuvenate the soul. To accompany my stew I use lumps of home-made bread made with Lidl ready to bake packs - dead easy and tasting authentic. If you're studying you need proper food. Too much crap, too many take-aways doe shave an effect, believe me. I find the easiest way to wean myself off crap is to read the ingredients label. Sausages with 45% meat - no, ta. Mechanically recovered chicken? . Umpteen additives... you get the drift.

I applied for a Masters (aged 43) and used a sort of semi-work semi-academic referee in the form of my subject area leader at the university for which I do a bit of ad-ed teaching; and my former employer (who had sacked me a few months beforehand; I thought I might as well make the bastard work for me for a change). I got on no problem - THEY WANT THE MONEY.

'Lucky the ones who get into PhD already married or in a long lasting strong relationship.'

In that you're not getting any, and you're not allowed to waste time hunting for it either? rueful

Guardian Unlimited Talk is a great way to use up all that time that you might otherwise spend on work [sigh]

Otherwise, all the usual things. "If only my desk/bookshelves were a bit tidier I'd be able to work much more efficiently."

"I'll read this magazine until eleven o'clock then really get down to it."

"This sudoku/crossword will help tone up my brain ready for a good go at all that work waiting for me."

"Well, I can't work properly on an empty stomach, can I? Brain, oxygen, etc etc. So if I break now for a cup of tea and slice of cake I'll be able to work much better afterwards."

Lodge is good stuff, especially for those raised in an atmosphere of Catholic guilt. Automation and IT people, and anyone with a sense of humour, might enjoy 'Tin Men' by Michael Frayn, his first novel. First books are often the best - Tin Men; Under the Net (Iris Murdoch); Lucky Jim (Kingsley Amis); a depressing thought for embarking academics .

Look on the bright side, H; you'd be very very unlucky to put your back out gardening on a balcony.

"fretfulporpentine, why are you digging out old threads? It is very DanB-like behaviour."

My first ever post and I get flamed for it!

Anything by P.G.Wodehouse makes great escapist reading; or Evelyn Waugh's funnier books (Decline & Fall, Vile Bodies, Scoop, Put Out More Flags, etc).