======= Date Modified 05 25 2010 06:25:34 =======
Hi all - I posted very early January about my problems. I'm pleased to say that I just got out of an intensive session with my supervisor on the draft and he thinks that my work ranges from "okay" to "very good and interesting"...with most work needed on the introduction WHICH IS JUST FINE BY ME! My submit date is still March 31 but my supervisor has told me that he's willing to 'take the bullet', ie, give me extra time by telling admin that he's the one holding things up. He's been like that the whole way through - for which I'll be eternally grateful - and has always been supportive of me if not so much of my work. I asked in a quavering voice, "So you think it has a chance of passing?" and he said "Oh, yes," sounding highly surprised I would even ask. :-s


Still having panic attacks and nightmares on occasion, but much less frequent. Not getting drunk every night. Things are looking up! I might be able to make it through all this after all!

Hi Mlis, I'm concerned about the way both your doctor and supervisor are approaching your issues. I do think you might want to see a different doctor. In the meantime, if you want CBT, I can suggest an online program that my uni has put together which helps the depress-ee (you, and me too!) walk through some CBT steps and try to rearrange thinking. It's free, and you can save where you're up to after each module, then come back to it later. It's here: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome The reason I suggest it is not because I happen to go to ANU (I'm in a totally different area anyway!) but because I've suffered from mild to severe depression for most of my life, and the program was helpful to me. :-) I hope it can help you too.

Second, I think you need to front up in person to your supervisor and get things sorted. If you apply for an extension (which you definitely should) I believe your sup will need to support it. She can't ignore you like she can your emails, if you turn up at her door demanding a straight reply. If she doesn't want to supervise you anymore, and you do get an extension, then there is time to find a new, supportive supervisor. Just because you have a speciality doesn't mean you can't get someone else - my area is highly specialised and my supervisor's area is only tangentially related, but this doesn't negate his help and suggestions.

Keep on keeping on, and make sure you're healthy again before jumping back into the stress of the PhD. (up) As a sufferer myself, I've found that being proactive and facing fears DOES help, even if you don't get the result you were best hoping for. Good luck!

Here in Australia, I know that you can do a 'novel' PhD. The catch is, you write both the novel and a thesis explaining your rationale and the critical theory behind it and with which you've sought to engage. I believe the novel and thesis are usually roughly the same length? But I'm not sure of that. If you look up Monash University in Melbourne, I believe they have that kind of program.

However, you might be better off just writing the novel and sending out enquiries to literary agents (with a view to publishing it).

I definitely wouldn't recommend a friend or spouse as a supervisor. The sup. is supposed to, well, be many things, and in the last stages in particular, a bit of a jerk. :) That is - they should be able to be unpleasant and uncompromising without having to worry about your relationship with them. I think many people would agree, it's all smiles and coffees in the beginning, but once the work is due, THINGS CHANGE! :)

I've had a lot of friends read and comment on my work - and that's great, and I've learned a lot and incorporated it. But my sup. is there to give it to me straight, you know? To tell me where it sucks and won't make it past review. Basically, to beat me up intellectually. It hurts at the time, but that's his/her job. If a friend or significant other was doing that? No, it wouldn't work.

Hi there. :)

Both my examiners will be externals (I'm in the Humanities, and in Australia - so basically there are few people who are specialists in my area who could mark the thesis). In my case, my supervisor has asked me to nominate people in the field that I think would be good/fair to me and also to indicate those who I definitely don't want to mark it (ie - people who I've torn apart in the thesis!). As far as I'm aware, it's the responsibility of my supervisor/uni to contact examiners. I think this is something you might need to pin your sup. down on and ask directly. Or else, someone else in the Department, to give advice.

Megara, I have the opposite problem, I tend to be too concise. I've never been an over-writer (and to be honest I am kind of jealous of those who are!). Does the word count include footnotes? If not, can you move some of it to the footnotes so that the information is still there but not taking up space in the body of the chapter?

Otherwise I would suggest you try to cut the dead wood. I know it must feel difficult because you put so much effort in, but you can cut and paste to a separate document and keep the cuttings 'just in case'. And it is easier to cut than to produce more, so at least you have that going for you. :-) If you feel you really can't cut anything, I would try refining, simplifying and being really tough on anything that seems repetitive.

At my uni we are allowed to hand in over length, but there has to be a really good reason for it, signed off by the supervisor and everything. I'm not sure what your place would be like - can you check the requirements online?

Hi again all, I am feeling so much better today, it feels like a miracle. I have managed to get some decent sleep and I've not had a panic attack for at least 48 hours - so yay for that!!

Just wanted to reply to some of the people who have posted with advice in the last few hours and very helpful suggestions:

NT, and a few others who have suggested I try for an extension or go off program - unfortunately I have used up all my time and I've been told there will be no more extensions. I can't blame them really. I have been on and off program and part time and taking extensions etc throughout the whole messy thing and it is just simply crunch time now. NT, you suggested asking for extra supervisors - I originally had 3, but one became very ill and has retired, while the other is basically never around (she flies from conference to conference and is no longer a teaching academic - purely research). The other issue I have is that my thesis topic is so niche that the supervisors I do have don't really have technical knowledge in the area - they were the closest I could find in Australia, though! My main supervisor has been highly supportive though, so I feel lucky there - I have heard horror stories!

It's awesome to see another Australian on here - good luck to you too and I will definitely keep you updated!

Walminskipeas and Ephiny - thanks for the support. :-) It's not exactly *nice* to hear that someone else has had some very bleak times doing their PhD but it does make me feel less alone and less of a freak.

Ogriv and Jojo - I tried the Pomodoro technique this morning on my work and it REALLY helped. Jojo suggested something similar with breaking things into tasks and while I've tried to do that in the past, I think you are right - thinking about the whole thesis has been causing a lot of my problems, because it is SO BIG. The 25 minute technique is really doable and I got through a lot more work today than I thought I would.

I am over 72K words now and I have all the research done - it's a matter of writing up. I am freaking out also because my supervisor needs the full draft by mid to late Jan to give him time to read it and report back to me. But I am feeling like it is not an impossible task now. I can write 2-3 thousand words a day - on a GOOD day - so I just need to get some calming and working techniques down.

You have all been so supportive and helpful - thank you so much! :-)

Thank you so much everyone - I am making a doctor's appointment first thing Monday to talk about what I might be able to do. I am also stopping all drinking until the damn thing is done.

I woke up with puffy half-closed eyes from all the crying but I do feel a bit better today, and determined. I don't know if I have any hope of finishing, but I'm going to give it a good try.

This forum seems awesome. :-)

Bilbo, do you mind if I ask what you were prescribed? I've had friends given anti-anxiety medication that made them half-asleep for most of the day - that's what I'm afraid of. I think I do need to go to the doctor, but if I can say what would be OK and what I want to avoid I would feel a bit better about it. I can't afford to be zonked out at this stage. :-(

And thank you - good luck to you too!

======= Date Modified 01 Jan 2010 09:48:23 =======
Yes. It does make me feel less stupid and actually, it makes me feel that little bit of inspiration again. This study is so important to me and I feel like I've sacrificed everything to get there - the idea that I won't get there just drives me crazy.

Oddly enough, a movie version of King Arthur is on here in Oz tonight. A dodgy version, but nonetheless! I will watch it. :-)

Thank you so much. I just needed someone to have a bit of sympathy and talk a bit of sense into me. I will drop the booze immediately and try to get on with things.

Can't guarantee I'll not make crazy postings again - but you have helped me so much tonight. Thank you again. I cried a lot today but I think I needed it!!

Oh - and - will definitely go to see a counsellor. You are very right about that. I just need a bit of help.

Thank you so much for replying to me. It means a lot. I feel like some kind of freak right now who should just be locked up.

My fears are purely personal and academic. My PhD has been mostly part-time and I've worked through most of it. I've just had so much of my self caught up in academic achievement that I don't know what I'll do if/when I fail. Money is not a problem right now - well, it is. But I'm lucky to have step/parents who bailed me out if I get into too much money trouble. But work has been quite demanding and I've had a lot of issues personally.

I've taken all the extensions I could. I've had a lot of issues throughout - my father died, my step-mother had a nervous breakdown and involuntary psych hold, my marriage broke up. I feel so stupid and useless. I have 72000 words of what should be at least an 80K thesis and I'm just...freaking out. When I *do* work, I'm okay. But I just don't know how to get into that working space.

I have the research and I have 2 of 4 chapters that my supervisor approves of. The others are just awful, though. Supervisor has been AMAZING at helping me get extensions but to be honest - it might have helped more if he'd been firmer on deadlines.

I'm doing a Literature PhD, btw, heh. We're soft touches in the Arts.

I've had more time than anyone ever needed to finish, and I haven't. I am hoping to throw myself into it from tomorrow - I'm more of a panic worker than a steady worker, which doesn't help.

But when I fail, I don't know what I'll do. I'm going to go down fighting though, dammit.

I think I might try to see a counsellor. I sound hysterical even to myself. I just need to get over that line. But I freak out when I think about it.

Thank you for listening, I just feel so out of control. :-(

Hi all. I'm at an Australian university and I've been trying to wrap my PhD up for YEARS. Every time now that I try to work on it, I have panic attacks or fantasise about dying just so I don't have to submit. We don't even have to do a Viva here! So what the heck is wrong with me?? I feel like a complete failure. I have no doubt that if I even do submit, the thesis will fail. I'm worried about what I'll do when that happens.

I'm at a complete loss. :-(

I can't calm myself down when I get worked up, but I'm hesitant to go to a doctor about it because I presume they'll just prescribe me Valium or similar...I can't work if I'm doped up on meds!

I just don't know what to do. I'm due to submit in March and I'm nowhere near where I should be...when I try to look up the requirements to submit, I have panic attacks and hyperventilate. I don't deserve a PhD. I'm starting to really hate myself and I can't talk to anyone about it. I've started to drink every night to pass out just so I don't have to deal with it.