Good luck Lostinoz! I am sure that your supervisor will agree to you having the time away. It is a hard decision - I was here last week with the same thing (it's break time or quit) - I got the break I need, but there is still a sense of loss. I KNOW that I have done the right thing though - it just means that I will have be here a little longer than planned if I choose to return.
Let your supervisor know in whatever way you feel most comfortable.

Lostinoz, I have fought with my supervisor for 6 months to get my leave. I believed that she was right and that I should just keep pushing on, but it got to the point where I am near useless - nothing is being achieved, there is too much "other stuff" going on in my life, and I have finally realised that I am the only one who knows what is best for me. I won't lie, she is FAR from happy with me (mainly because she's a control freak and is not used to students arguing the point with her), but I know what I need - A BREAK! to recharge the batteries. I know that everyone says it's hard to go back to, but I will cross that bridge when i come to it. If I don't want to return, then I won't, basically because I don't think a piece of paper is worth my happiness.
If you think you need a break, have a break!!!!!

Lostinoz, I feel your pain. I too have gotten to the point where I am wondering if it's really worth it. I don't have a chronic illness, but I do care for my sister who has one...they suck and don't go well with PhD's at times!!!!!
Instead of quitting, which I have been prepared to do for some time, I have finally (after six months of trying) gotten my supervisor to agree to let me take 6 months off. I have 34 days of work left until I am free for 6 months to work out why I'm here and whether I have it in me to finish writing up. Do you think some form of leave might be an option for you?

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I have 2 supervisors - my principal sup who is like PhDbugs...a star! and my co-sup who hasn't long finished his PhD...



My super-star sup is fantastic - meets with me weekly (when she's away at conferences etc she orangises "online meetings"), replies to emails almost as soon

as I send them, reads drafts at the speed of light, is completely "in-tune" with my project even though it isn't really her area of speciality etc etc. How she does it is beyond me - I am one of 10 students she currently has...+ all of her teaching and faculty responisibilities.



My co-sup who has a lot less on his plate than my super star sup never replies to emails, has drafts of things I sent him 12 months ago still unread, probably wouldn't be able to tell you what it is that I am doing, is always late to (or doesn't even show up for!) meetings...I can only ever get something from him/have him read things if my star sup asks him...and then it still takes him months... :-s



I guess it all comes down to the individual and how they view their responsibilities to their students...to my co-sup I think that I am more a mealticket to a few publications that he can have his name on and put in little work, whereas to my star sup I think that she is genuinely interested in what it is that I am doing etc

Hi all

Just wondering about the relationship that you have with your supervisors - is it strictly a work thing, or are they more like a friend?

My relationship with my supervisor is almost too much! She is a lovely woman, don't get me wrong, and I am grateful that she is my supervisor, but she just won't back off! She has had me tutor her youngest child for the past 2 years (how could I say "No" - she's my supervisor?), I've babysat for her, am invited to all of these "family" events of hers, i get invited to dinner, to her children's school performances etc, etc, etc!

At first I was flattered and grateful (my partner's work means that he is away from home a lot, so it was nice to be included), but I have recently realised that this has caused a strain on the professional relationship that we should have. For starters, it is hard to go from her being a "friend" to being my "boss" (so to speak). She knows things about my life that I know I would not have told her/she would not have worked out (and have nothing to do with my PhD) had I not spent so much time with her outside of work. On the friend side, it's nice to have a sounding board, but as my supervisor I think she needs to take a step back... Also a lot of our conversations don't revolve around my work, but about upcoming events she's inviting me to, or past events that I have attended. Worst of all, I feel as though I can't say "no" to any of her invitations/requests - after all she is my supervisor!

I know that this sounds as though I am making something out of nothing, but it is hard to explain...

Does anyone have any advice on how I can (politely) regain the professional relationship that I NEED to have with my supervisor and (to a BIG extent) get out of her personal life/get her out of mine???

Lol, I can relate to that! I have been avoiding my supervisors for about 5 weeks now! I actually snuck into and out of my office last Friday in order not to run into her!

Yep, me too...facebook/emails/this forum/tv/housework etc etc are all much more exciting that work at the moment

Lost_in_oz, you are not alone. I am about where you are (just under 2 years to go), and have been having the exact same thoughts and feelings. My productivity has been dwindling since New Year. I have cried and agonised over what I am going to do and I still don't know for sure. Also, like you, I would feel as though I am letting down my parents who are so incredibly proud of me...not something that I really want to do to them seeing all they have been through.

I know this really doesn't help at all, except for knowing that you are not alone

Pineapple, I was in a similar position not long ago (though mine was temporary)...I went on leave for a week and came back to find that my office (which is just big enough for a computer and a filing cabinet) had been taken over by my supervisor's visiting professor! What annoyed me the most was that my supervisor had known for MONTHS that this woman was coming & she also knew when I was returning from leave. If she'd have asked if my office could be used while I was away I would've been fine with it, but she didn't & I only found out when I turned up to work on my first day back from leave to find someone else in my office and all of my things stacked on top of the filing cabinet! To make it worse, the professor was visiting for 6 weeks, so I had to spend her entire visit working at home! What really annoyed me was having to ask to go into my own office (this woman was quite territorial and obviously thought that I was "just a student")...grrr, still makes me mad to think about it!

H, I'm with you. I'm ALWAYS being told that my hair is black, though it is just really, really, dark brown!

I am very much an introvert, which I have decided makes certain things in academia a little difficult...oh and maybe it's the shade of brown hair, coz mine's dark brown and I'm definitely NOT extroverted in any ways!

probably playing with fire...I've requested a meeting for tomorrow to discuss what happened last week. Hoping that it will go well and that I will actually get to have a voice as I didn't last week - was too busy being attacked.

I am a teacher who is completing a PhD. No, I don't NEED to do a PhD to teach, I can (and do) do that now with only an undergrad degree, but I WANT to do a PhD for myself. Also, my personal view on it is teachers are educators, though the majority only study enough to be able to do the job. I don't want that for myself - I love learning new things and I am both interested in, and passionate about my PhD topic. Just because I don't NEED the qualification, why shouldn't I do a PhD?

cc, body language couldn't be further from my PhD! And what you said is precisely what I thought - her concern is my work and nothing else.

I am hoping it was a one off, though I am upset that she brought up the fact that I have an ill family member. By doing so I believe she crossed the line and made her remarks too personal. Not only that, but having my arms folded has absolutely nothing to do with any of my family issues! Why bring it up?

Though, I have learnt something...NEVER sit with your arms folded (regardless of the circumstances and whether or not you're freezing)!

thanks to you too juno! you must've posted as I was posting